So I just woke up not too long ago. Slept ok but dreamed about someone. I can't get them out of my head, I guess it will get easier with time. It's amazing how people can have a major impact on your life and don't realize how big it was. Or maybe they do but too afraid to face it. Seriously if I told my whole story you would be like wow. And I am talking about the changes that I have felt inside, not necessarily the person, although they help trigger these changes. I have learned that when it comes to love, you should not have expectations. We are taught to love at the expectation level...which is why we have so much pain when a relationship ends...More relationship would last if we did not look at love at the expectation level. But that is what society teaches us to love from.
I understand why people are so wrapped up in having labels in relationships when they are not married. Its the feeling of being exclusive and being with that one and only. But I also understand why some people don't care for labels. But you know society set up labels and boxes to put people in so it won't be "confusing". The problem with having the labels is that people come into these relationships with expectations and obligations...many times unrealistic. Then when things don't fall through, they are hurt, angry, in pain, feel betrayed. In a way you kind of set youself up for that (although)its unintentional because you put so much expectations on that one person who is not obligated to live up to those expectations. I don't care if yall made an agreement, at the end of the day its not a contract and you all most likely are not married. I am talking strictly about those not married in this blog entry.
Many times people come into these relationships not loving themselves and expect that other person to fill them up with love. Love should have already been there in the first place. Two people searching for the other to fill up that love is a disaster in the making. Two people should be sharing the love that they already have. You should not go into these situations expecting anything from eachother, it should already come from within. People have pain because many times they put all these expectations on this one person. I do think that pain is important because then we heal. It is not easy to get to that point of no expectations.
I think people want labels because they are afraid of losing that person, losing the love. So if they have this label, for some reason its a little better. Love does not fear. You should not fear losing the love because it should already come from inside. In a way, putting labels on things is like restricting eachother. Love is universal and should be shared not only between eachother but to everything. If the bond is strong enough, you will not doubt or worry and it will shine through (people will notice). When in these relationships, Is each person truly doing what they want? Many times no because they are trying to make the other person look at them in the positive light at all times. I want the person that I have a bond with to be truly happy and do what they want because they want to do that. Of course compromise is important but I am talking about the bigger picture.
That positive light that we are always trying to make sure people see us in was conditioned through our parents. Doing what our parents think is right of us instead of doing what we truly want to do. So in a way, that is learning to hate ourselves as harsh as it sounds. Many times parents do what they were taught. We learn to fear things that are part of who we really are. I am telling you, maybe its all in my head...but I think that I represent what the person that I can't get out of my head fear the most. I feel like they are running away from it. But the irony of it, I think that was what drew them to me in the first place...they felt that in my nature. But then again it could be all in my head...then I am like, all these changes I have gone through, it can't just be in my head.
As you can see I have alot of my mind. On top of that I woke up to six text messages from my ex because he is getting deployed in January and of course he is scared. It is his first time getting deployed. I am of course going to call him and try to make him feel a little better. I know he stills sees me the same way as he did when were in a relationship. But I will be there to support him as a friend and as a friend only.
No comments:
Post a Comment