In three days 2009 will be a memory and 2010 is a new beginning. I look at this year and realize that this was a very quiet year but I have become more self aware. This was a year of reflection for me and I will never forget it. I always said that I never had a year like 2003. That was my fun year, I had graduated from High School, began college, fell in love, new friends, new experiences, new surroundings. I have not had a year like that since but 2009 will always be the year where I felt like I transitioned. I am still growing but 2009 is the year where things shifted for me on another level. Its the year where my relationship with myself flourish and is still growing. I have met alot of interesting people along the way. Throughout the year I reconnected with people who I have not talked to in the last few years which includes family members. I am still a work in progress but more wise. I can't deny, I am curious and nervous at what 2010 is gonna bring, especially after a self reflective quiet year like this one. I will take what I learned from 2009 and apply it to 2010 and years to come.
If you read some of my blogs you will notice that I talk alot about an anonymous person who I will just call Gem. I mention how after I met him alot of things changed for me and I feel connected to him on a deep level...like feeling his energy (he has been in many many dreams). Well he replied back to me...I knew it would happen but not this soon. Nothing at this point, but we will be talking one on one very soon. I am kind of uneasy about it though but we will see how he responds to what I have to say. All I know is that after I say what I say and he decides to retreat, Im am going to let it go. But just like I knew he would come around, I know that we will see more of eachother...but if not its was great meeting him.
2010 is going to be a very interesting year and I am excited and scared at the same time!
Happy New Years!
2009 has taught me to look at the big picture and to remain positive, don't dwell on the bad for too long. Just have the greatest momentinlife!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
She lives in my lap
Make me want you...
Make me miss you...
Make me wonder where you are, then forget you...
Girl remind me just who we are...
We're oh so close, but yet so far...
Such a Gemini way of thinking...Andre 3000 is one, so is someone else I use to know...
I felt the person's energy and what came to my head was "She lives in my lap, Im a star"...You know I had to youtube it and listened to it until I had an aha moment...Why do I feel weird writing this on the blog...its so personal!
The power of energy and unspoken communication.
Make me miss you...
Make me wonder where you are, then forget you...
Girl remind me just who we are...
We're oh so close, but yet so far...
Such a Gemini way of thinking...Andre 3000 is one, so is someone else I use to know...
I felt the person's energy and what came to my head was "She lives in my lap, Im a star"...You know I had to youtube it and listened to it until I had an aha moment...Why do I feel weird writing this on the blog...its so personal!
The power of energy and unspoken communication.
Friday, December 18, 2009
End of the week thoughts
My stomach hurts right now.
The week went by so fast. Before you know it, 2010 will be here. New year, new beginnings. In numerology terms, I was in year number 2, which represents partnerships. When in year two, you may meet someone or end a relationship. Also the relationship with yourself is important in year number 2. Partnerships in general are major in year two from personal to business relationships. I will have to say I agree very much that year number 2 represented partneships for me. I ended a major relationship, met new guys, one in particular that shook my world in a way that triggered changes in me forever. I met new people, especially towards the end of this year. I moved to a new territory so I was bound to meet new people. Most important my relationship with myself has changed so much! This has been the most transformative year of my life. Technically my year, when you added my birthday together came to 11, which represents a spiritual, intuitive year (but in numerology the idea is to break down the numbers to a single digit).Year number 2 is like little seeds that have been planted and are germinating. Its a quiet year full of introspection.
In numerology, 2010 for me is year number 3 which represents a more social year. You take all that you learned from year 2 and put it into action. Its a year of optimism and fun. Its very accurate bc I already know that next year is going to be a busy one. As you can see, this last month my blog entries have decreased to half the amount. Part of the reason why is because I have been more occupied, but now I are on break so I have more free time.
I am feeling some kind of way though. I guess time will heal things. I love my alone time (for every hour out with a huge crowd of people, I need 3 hours alone time...yea its that serious), its just those times when you wish you had a companion. Its like Drake said, "So I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone". I am learning that I need to work on that conflict. I love closeness but I want my freedom, my individuality...Its like I have a urge to be out and social but then I don't want to be out, I like my personal time...lol
I was on youtube and ran across these two songs, took me back to my last year of high school....well "Angel" was from high school, "I pray" was college. Did not know that I would oneday be able to relate to these songs. If Amanda Perez wrote these songs, she is a great song writer.
The week went by so fast. Before you know it, 2010 will be here. New year, new beginnings. In numerology terms, I was in year number 2, which represents partnerships. When in year two, you may meet someone or end a relationship. Also the relationship with yourself is important in year number 2. Partnerships in general are major in year two from personal to business relationships. I will have to say I agree very much that year number 2 represented partneships for me. I ended a major relationship, met new guys, one in particular that shook my world in a way that triggered changes in me forever. I met new people, especially towards the end of this year. I moved to a new territory so I was bound to meet new people. Most important my relationship with myself has changed so much! This has been the most transformative year of my life. Technically my year, when you added my birthday together came to 11, which represents a spiritual, intuitive year (but in numerology the idea is to break down the numbers to a single digit).Year number 2 is like little seeds that have been planted and are germinating. Its a quiet year full of introspection.
In numerology, 2010 for me is year number 3 which represents a more social year. You take all that you learned from year 2 and put it into action. Its a year of optimism and fun. Its very accurate bc I already know that next year is going to be a busy one. As you can see, this last month my blog entries have decreased to half the amount. Part of the reason why is because I have been more occupied, but now I are on break so I have more free time.
I am feeling some kind of way though. I guess time will heal things. I love my alone time (for every hour out with a huge crowd of people, I need 3 hours alone time...yea its that serious), its just those times when you wish you had a companion. Its like Drake said, "So I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone". I am learning that I need to work on that conflict. I love closeness but I want my freedom, my individuality...Its like I have a urge to be out and social but then I don't want to be out, I like my personal time...lol
I was on youtube and ran across these two songs, took me back to my last year of high school....well "Angel" was from high school, "I pray" was college. Did not know that I would oneday be able to relate to these songs. If Amanda Perez wrote these songs, she is a great song writer.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Home
So I just got home today. This past week has been so busy. I did go out this weekend though...had good times. Some friends graduated this weekend, so I had to support them. My last post was about a dream I had, it was crazy, but I had to post it for reflection later on. I guess I am going to enjoy this break the best I can because when I get back, I am going to be busy as hell.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Another dream
Yesterday I posted that I had a very intense, kind of scary dream. But there was alot of interesting symbolism. I need to study but I want to express this so that I can focus a little better.
In the dream, me and a person who I mention all the time was in the bed. All of a sudden they said that they knew that I was having their baby. He kept repeating this as if he was angry that I was trying to hide it. But I was confused because I was not pregnant. Then he began to choke me and he said that he was going to kill me. I got out of the grasp somehow and bolted out of the house butt naked! He was chasing after me, like on my tail and I was so frightened for my life. I ended up busting the windows out of someone's house, broke in the house and grabbed a phone to call 911. He was still real close, I was really fearing for my life. I kept calling 911 and was running all throughout the neighborhood hiding from him. Eventually the police came and told me that they found him sleeping and woke him up. He then killed himself and an innocent bystander.
Now that dream had me like huh? I woke up concerned about him. I knew that there was alot of underlying themes in that dream so I analyzed it myself.
One thing that I noticed is that he had alot of agression in this dream. This person is pretty laidback, but underneath that coolness is an agressive dude (He has his moon in Aries).
In the dream, he was so upset that I was hiding that fact that I was having his baby. I was confused in the dream bc I was not pregnant. But when you think about it, when a women is pregnant, a baby is growing and developing inside. Right now I feel like I am growing and developing alot. This year has been very transformative for me, especially after meeting this person.
He was very upset that I was hiding this so called "baby"...it was as if, since you are hiding the fact that "you are having my baby" I am going to kill you by choking you. When you dream about being choked, you feel like you are supressing your feelings or feel restricted about expressing how you truly feel. When you are choking someone, normally they have brought up an issue that is hard for you to face or express...you are frustrated by it.
I was being chased in the dream. That normally means that you are running away from whatever is chasing you. You feel like it is impossible to conquer so you run away from it. When you are chasing something, you are trying to face an difficult obstacle. He was chasing after me.
To dream about murder, suicide, killing means a few things. Him trying to kill me represents trying to cut off emotional tides with something. Suicide means that so many things are overwhelming, maybe the person feels guilty or depressed about something and turns all the blame on themselves. What is interesting is that he was asleep and woke up before the suicide. To me that is like having a personal "awakening" and death in a dream represent the old part of yourself is gone and you are starting new.
This breakdown is very releveant to me. I do feel like my emotions are being supressed bc I feel like I can't express it. I do think that I opened a whole can of worms on this guy and although I don't know his reaction, I know its probably hard for him to discuss it. I do feel vulnerable and that this situation can be hard to conquer but I am trying my best to "deal with it". I felt like I was trying to face it so its interesting how I was running away...I guess maybe I have not really faced anything yet. He was chasing me trying to choke me. I think that represents having a hard time facing fears and he wanted to keep me from revealing it, but at the same time there is a desire to face it. Its a inner power struggle going on with him. He ends up killing himself to me that represents an old part of him dying and a new him is going to reveal itself.
I swear this dude is my shadow and I am his. I just have to accept things for what they are.
In the dream, me and a person who I mention all the time was in the bed. All of a sudden they said that they knew that I was having their baby. He kept repeating this as if he was angry that I was trying to hide it. But I was confused because I was not pregnant. Then he began to choke me and he said that he was going to kill me. I got out of the grasp somehow and bolted out of the house butt naked! He was chasing after me, like on my tail and I was so frightened for my life. I ended up busting the windows out of someone's house, broke in the house and grabbed a phone to call 911. He was still real close, I was really fearing for my life. I kept calling 911 and was running all throughout the neighborhood hiding from him. Eventually the police came and told me that they found him sleeping and woke him up. He then killed himself and an innocent bystander.
Now that dream had me like huh? I woke up concerned about him. I knew that there was alot of underlying themes in that dream so I analyzed it myself.
One thing that I noticed is that he had alot of agression in this dream. This person is pretty laidback, but underneath that coolness is an agressive dude (He has his moon in Aries).
In the dream, he was so upset that I was hiding that fact that I was having his baby. I was confused in the dream bc I was not pregnant. But when you think about it, when a women is pregnant, a baby is growing and developing inside. Right now I feel like I am growing and developing alot. This year has been very transformative for me, especially after meeting this person.
He was very upset that I was hiding this so called "baby"...it was as if, since you are hiding the fact that "you are having my baby" I am going to kill you by choking you. When you dream about being choked, you feel like you are supressing your feelings or feel restricted about expressing how you truly feel. When you are choking someone, normally they have brought up an issue that is hard for you to face or express...you are frustrated by it.
I was being chased in the dream. That normally means that you are running away from whatever is chasing you. You feel like it is impossible to conquer so you run away from it. When you are chasing something, you are trying to face an difficult obstacle. He was chasing after me.
To dream about murder, suicide, killing means a few things. Him trying to kill me represents trying to cut off emotional tides with something. Suicide means that so many things are overwhelming, maybe the person feels guilty or depressed about something and turns all the blame on themselves. What is interesting is that he was asleep and woke up before the suicide. To me that is like having a personal "awakening" and death in a dream represent the old part of yourself is gone and you are starting new.
This breakdown is very releveant to me. I do feel like my emotions are being supressed bc I feel like I can't express it. I do think that I opened a whole can of worms on this guy and although I don't know his reaction, I know its probably hard for him to discuss it. I do feel vulnerable and that this situation can be hard to conquer but I am trying my best to "deal with it". I felt like I was trying to face it so its interesting how I was running away...I guess maybe I have not really faced anything yet. He was chasing me trying to choke me. I think that represents having a hard time facing fears and he wanted to keep me from revealing it, but at the same time there is a desire to face it. Its a inner power struggle going on with him. He ends up killing himself to me that represents an old part of him dying and a new him is going to reveal itself.
I swear this dude is my shadow and I am his. I just have to accept things for what they are.
Sleepy
Its finals week and I have not been getting that much sleep the past couple of days. Months back I did a blog that talked about "soulmates". I don't really like to use that term bc I am trying to get out of putting labels on things. But I talked about a particular person and when you look at our birthdates, there are alot of parallels. I know many people are skeptical about astrology and numerology but there is alot of "coincidences" that I kept discovering when it came to analyzing my birthdate, my name, and my birth chart. I analyzed my sister chart a little bit and brought up an aspect of her birth chart that stood out to me like a sore thumb. I brought it to her attention and she was stunned bc it was true. This aspect that she has this particular person has too, but I did not have a confirmation on their birthdate. Well there is no doubt now, their birthdate is what they told me and what I have analyzed is makes more sense. Does not necessarily make me feel better, but just makes sense now.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Wednesday morning
So I had a very interesting intense dream last night. Alot of things are manifesting in my life right now. Life is ok despite the little things that I am concerned about. The semester is pretty much over, the year is coming to an end. This has been one of the most transformative years of my life!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Superhuman
I think I probably already posted this song in one of my blogs. But I really love this song. I love the music video also. In the video Keri and Chris cross paths like it was fated and time was slowed down. I am not trying to romanticize this in anyway but that how it was with this person. Looking back I remember looking them in their eyes and their eyes were so bright, I almost fell into them. I was caught of guard and quickly looked away but they held their gaze on me.
The reason why I sometimes just post music bc it reflects the mood I am in. Right now things are not the worst, I can handle what is being thrown at me but and I have people I can go to for support...most importantly I look inside for my strength. It just would be nice if I could speak to a particular person. Since I met them so much has changed, and I wanted to tell them that. Its not that oh I met them and I am so in love...Its that I met this person who I will never forget and our meeting triggered a change for the better in me. Our meeting was not about us, it was about me looking inside myself and facing my fears. I just would love to tell them that. But at the end of the day, I understand that I have to accept things for what they are.
The reason why I sometimes just post music bc it reflects the mood I am in. Right now things are not the worst, I can handle what is being thrown at me but and I have people I can go to for support...most importantly I look inside for my strength. It just would be nice if I could speak to a particular person. Since I met them so much has changed, and I wanted to tell them that. Its not that oh I met them and I am so in love...Its that I met this person who I will never forget and our meeting triggered a change for the better in me. Our meeting was not about us, it was about me looking inside myself and facing my fears. I just would love to tell them that. But at the end of the day, I understand that I have to accept things for what they are.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Its one of those days
Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed your break. I went to Savannah for Thanksgiving and it was good to see my people. They are so funny and entertaining, its always love with them. One thing I notice is that my friends always assume that my family is reserved and chill like me. That statement is so far from the truth. They are the typical down to earth black family that like to play cards, smoke, drink, dance, and reminisce on the old times. They are truly funny, especially my Aunt and Uncles. I love how my uncle not only plays the music from the new jack swing era or just 90s in general (that brung me back to when we would have get togethers when I was a kid) but also the quality new music out now. It was good to see my mother, stepdad, and brother too. My mother was talking mess bc her amla mater beat my school for homecoming like I really care lol. It was great. I am thankful to have a good family.
I can't deny today is one of those days. I am just going to leave it at that. I tell you the most powerful forms of communication is the unspoken.
I can't deny today is one of those days. I am just going to leave it at that. I tell you the most powerful forms of communication is the unspoken.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sleepy
Its been a minute. I was planning on leaving to go to Savannah (my home town) today but I had a late night and I am tired. I don't feel like driving today. I am going to leave tomorrow morning early. My brain is scattered right now, I need to focus, especially since it is the end of the semester.
The past couple of nights have not been hard, but I have been feeling someone's energy, particularly at night. I know you may be wondering about what I mean by feeling someone's energy but I am kind of hesistant on discussing it. One thing I realize is that people are hesistant on trusting that intuition and when I discuss it some people think its weird or something to fear.
I love this new Lloyd Song. This is song is for that person :). Lloyd is underrated, all of his albums have been good.
The past couple of nights have not been hard, but I have been feeling someone's energy, particularly at night. I know you may be wondering about what I mean by feeling someone's energy but I am kind of hesistant on discussing it. One thing I realize is that people are hesistant on trusting that intuition and when I discuss it some people think its weird or something to fear.
I love this new Lloyd Song. This is song is for that person :). Lloyd is underrated, all of his albums have been good.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
How can you be content with being single?
I was asked this while during a convo on FB messenger. I was kind of surprised that I was asked that and even more surprised that a guy asked me that. I say that because to me guys "appear" to be content with being single. I think for the most part they are content.
I personally am ok with being single but you just have those moments when you would love to tell a companion about your day. The guy went on to say somebody could brighten up your life even more...but I told him, I have to be happy by myself too...he agreed.
I then started thinking to myself do I come off like that to people. Hmm I don't know. Our first homecoming event kicked off on thursday. We had the stepshow bc homecoming is always during thanksgiving. If you are familiar with HBCUs I am probably giving my school indentity away. It was entertaining but somebody was in the back of my head and no it was not the ex. Just being there at the stepshow reminded me of them. It was good be out with my friend and her roommates. We grabbed a bite to eat afterwards and just talked.
I was thinking today and I realize that I should be very thankful for what I have and where I am at. I may be on that journey to where I want to be and it may seem like its going to take forever to there, but I am still here.
I personally am ok with being single but you just have those moments when you would love to tell a companion about your day. The guy went on to say somebody could brighten up your life even more...but I told him, I have to be happy by myself too...he agreed.
I then started thinking to myself do I come off like that to people. Hmm I don't know. Our first homecoming event kicked off on thursday. We had the stepshow bc homecoming is always during thanksgiving. If you are familiar with HBCUs I am probably giving my school indentity away. It was entertaining but somebody was in the back of my head and no it was not the ex. Just being there at the stepshow reminded me of them. It was good be out with my friend and her roommates. We grabbed a bite to eat afterwards and just talked.
I was thinking today and I realize that I should be very thankful for what I have and where I am at. I may be on that journey to where I want to be and it may seem like its going to take forever to there, but I am still here.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Peace Corps
So I was talking on the phone with my mom talking to her about what I am now interested in now as far as my career path. She mentioned the Peace Corps came to her school, she is a guidance counselor. So I am doing my research and that sounds like a great plan for what I am interested in. Hopefully by the summer I will be somewhere overseas helping others :). I think the experience will be very interesting although I know I will have alot of adjustments to get use to. So it looks like I will be definitely taking a foreign language next semester. But now that I am thinking about it...They want you to serve for two years...after spring semester, I will only need two classes. Maybe I should wait until like August or September to go and graduate this summer...I have a feeling next semester is going to be so busy...
Who really reads your blogs?
I was thinking about that as I woke up in the middle of the night....
The reason why I began blogging was because I had so much on my mind and felt like I could not express everything to just one person. Over the summer alot of things mentally for me was transitioning and I found myself trying to find answers for why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I believe I mentioned in previous blogs that meeting someone triggered that in my opinion.
Since I am good at expressing myself with words, I decided to began a blog to have sort of an outlet you know. I sometimes read my old blogs and see how even though it has only been like 4 or 5 months, how I have changed my views on many things...how I am evolving. One thing about me, is that my mood change like every five minutes...lol. I am very influenced by my moods...I am what you call a feeler and is probably why I prefer small groups and absolute silence. I am very very sensitive to sound and people's energy. I am a INFP...Introverted Intuitive Feeling Percieving...They are considered the Idealist healer and its quite accurate. Its like there is a great sense of putting yourself in other people shoes without being biased, a drive to help people and make the world a better place (as cheesy as that sounds), and avoid conflict at all cost.
I am getting off topic...the point I am trying to make is that my feelings were all over the place and I had to realize that people energy's are just as strong as mine and I can pick it up a mile away. I am still learning to distinguish my feelings from others. I mean like for example one time, I was texting a friend and all of a sudden I was thinking about something and felt like I wanted to cry! I had no reason to want to cry...come to find out something was really bothering my friend.
All in all, these past few months many thoughts and beliefs that I have are changing and will continue to change...and alot of it has to do with my mood changing like the season...
Not that many people read my blog, I only gave my link out to a few people I knew and the online community that I am part of can have access to it. But I have been thinking about one of the people I gave my link out too...
Sometimes I wonder was that really a good idea...lol. The way this person has been iggin me I should not be worried, but sometimes you never know...The ones that appear to have you out of their radar sometimes be the one that is secretly keeping tabs on you. I may just be a little paranoid.
I am just saying, I never had a person ignore me to this extreme. I should just let it go I know, but I am like damn...is it that bad. I have always been considered one of the easiest people to talk to. I find people telling me things that they don't tell just anybody. I guess what I am trying to say is that they have no reason to really avoid me, I am very open. Or maybe the texts that I sent them did strike a chord...I am not saying that I am 100 percent accurate when I am feeling people out but I sent them some text...well a series of texts that described what I sensed from them...lol. Knowing what I know from this person...if what I said was true, which I feel is, it probably made them uncomfortable. You know the type of person that likes to be in control, I have always sensed that from them. The more you know about them, the more they feel you have "to use against them"=less control. Let me stop...I need to be doing something along the lines of psychology or human behavior...lol.
I don't know, I am just one of those people that let it be known that I won't be talking to you...I don't do the passive agressive thing and ignore. But everybody seems to do that, except me. But hey, I texted my dad two weeks ago and he just got back to me, he has been busy which is understandable...so I know people are busy. I guess its bothering me bc I HATE being ignored and I try my best not to ignore people intentionally, I rather just let you know that we will not be talking on a regular.
The reason why I began blogging was because I had so much on my mind and felt like I could not express everything to just one person. Over the summer alot of things mentally for me was transitioning and I found myself trying to find answers for why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I believe I mentioned in previous blogs that meeting someone triggered that in my opinion.
Since I am good at expressing myself with words, I decided to began a blog to have sort of an outlet you know. I sometimes read my old blogs and see how even though it has only been like 4 or 5 months, how I have changed my views on many things...how I am evolving. One thing about me, is that my mood change like every five minutes...lol. I am very influenced by my moods...I am what you call a feeler and is probably why I prefer small groups and absolute silence. I am very very sensitive to sound and people's energy. I am a INFP...Introverted Intuitive Feeling Percieving...They are considered the Idealist healer and its quite accurate. Its like there is a great sense of putting yourself in other people shoes without being biased, a drive to help people and make the world a better place (as cheesy as that sounds), and avoid conflict at all cost.
I am getting off topic...the point I am trying to make is that my feelings were all over the place and I had to realize that people energy's are just as strong as mine and I can pick it up a mile away. I am still learning to distinguish my feelings from others. I mean like for example one time, I was texting a friend and all of a sudden I was thinking about something and felt like I wanted to cry! I had no reason to want to cry...come to find out something was really bothering my friend.
All in all, these past few months many thoughts and beliefs that I have are changing and will continue to change...and alot of it has to do with my mood changing like the season...
Not that many people read my blog, I only gave my link out to a few people I knew and the online community that I am part of can have access to it. But I have been thinking about one of the people I gave my link out too...
Sometimes I wonder was that really a good idea...lol. The way this person has been iggin me I should not be worried, but sometimes you never know...The ones that appear to have you out of their radar sometimes be the one that is secretly keeping tabs on you. I may just be a little paranoid.
I am just saying, I never had a person ignore me to this extreme. I should just let it go I know, but I am like damn...is it that bad. I have always been considered one of the easiest people to talk to. I find people telling me things that they don't tell just anybody. I guess what I am trying to say is that they have no reason to really avoid me, I am very open. Or maybe the texts that I sent them did strike a chord...I am not saying that I am 100 percent accurate when I am feeling people out but I sent them some text...well a series of texts that described what I sensed from them...lol. Knowing what I know from this person...if what I said was true, which I feel is, it probably made them uncomfortable. You know the type of person that likes to be in control, I have always sensed that from them. The more you know about them, the more they feel you have "to use against them"=less control. Let me stop...I need to be doing something along the lines of psychology or human behavior...lol.
I don't know, I am just one of those people that let it be known that I won't be talking to you...I don't do the passive agressive thing and ignore. But everybody seems to do that, except me. But hey, I texted my dad two weeks ago and he just got back to me, he has been busy which is understandable...so I know people are busy. I guess its bothering me bc I HATE being ignored and I try my best not to ignore people intentionally, I rather just let you know that we will not be talking on a regular.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Rainy Day
Its so ugly outside, its been raining all day. Weather impacts my mood, but I am still thankful. The rain provides nutrients. I hope class get let out early. I am sitting here listening to Shadows...
Thinking about how fast this year went. I talked to my Nana on Sunday. It was good talking to her, I need to call her more often. She was joking with me and said that she thought that I was going to go off and get married. I was like no, we are not together anymore. Come to think about it I have not really told anybody in my family except my mom and sister about ending my relationship. Kind of prefered not to so. But now I am at the point where I am comfortable saying it so I know for Thanksgiving that will be the question some of my family is going to ask.
One thing I realize is that holidays was something that I spent with a Significant Other. Last Thanksgiving I had dinner with my ex, we were together, just he and I. I reminisce on the good memories but I don't want to be with him. I guess I just miss the companionship. I guess its the weather getting to me..lol...Like drake said, Come Winter (thats my fav song by him). Now I am going to have to fill up my long Christmas break with something to do. If funds were right, I would definitely treat myself with a real vacation.
Thinking about how fast this year went. I talked to my Nana on Sunday. It was good talking to her, I need to call her more often. She was joking with me and said that she thought that I was going to go off and get married. I was like no, we are not together anymore. Come to think about it I have not really told anybody in my family except my mom and sister about ending my relationship. Kind of prefered not to so. But now I am at the point where I am comfortable saying it so I know for Thanksgiving that will be the question some of my family is going to ask.
One thing I realize is that holidays was something that I spent with a Significant Other. Last Thanksgiving I had dinner with my ex, we were together, just he and I. I reminisce on the good memories but I don't want to be with him. I guess I just miss the companionship. I guess its the weather getting to me..lol...Like drake said, Come Winter (thats my fav song by him). Now I am going to have to fill up my long Christmas break with something to do. If funds were right, I would definitely treat myself with a real vacation.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Early Thursday Morning
So I am up early again. I am very pensive at the moment. I feel very unsettled...I guess unsettled about my life. There have been drastic changes on how I view many things. You know when you pretty much throw away not all but most of what you were taught and start new. When that happens, you realize that things that mattered to you are not important anymore. You find that your interests change...thoughts on your career paths change. I guess because you find yourself being real to what you really want in life. But in it brings confusion and fear. Confusion because what you thought was the path has changed and fear because you don't know what is to come. But what you are really fearing is fear within itself. I am currently getting my MS in Biology but now I feel like I should be overseas or doing something that requires me to move around. I feel like I should be learning more about the people, not just in the US but around the world. I have a interest in human motivation, behavior.I feel like I should be doing something that will be progessive for the world. I guess I am in the stages of figuring out what I truly want right now.
Ending my relationship earlier this year has shifted alot of things. I find that there has been alot of growth and progression. But then I guess on another level I feel like I am not necessarily stuck but not at a place where I think I should be. I know many people have their lists of what they want or don't want from a mate. Many people hoping and wishing that person will come into their life yesterday. I am human and for those who are big on astrology, I have strong Libra aspects in my birthchart. Libra Represents partnership. But I know that in order for me to be in any kind of "relatonship" with someone I have to be completely happy with myself. I have to be look at myself from the outside in and say, would I "date" myself. I say naw, and its not because I think lowly of myself...There is only one me and I happy that I am me...but I got to get my ish together. I say no because I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I am going to do. It takes alot to actually admit that but its truth.
So I was thinking about this and then I watch this video come on and I am like OMG. I love Trey Songz, the model was very lucky :). Shout out to all the natural hair girls of the world :).
Ending my relationship earlier this year has shifted alot of things. I find that there has been alot of growth and progression. But then I guess on another level I feel like I am not necessarily stuck but not at a place where I think I should be. I know many people have their lists of what they want or don't want from a mate. Many people hoping and wishing that person will come into their life yesterday. I am human and for those who are big on astrology, I have strong Libra aspects in my birthchart. Libra Represents partnership. But I know that in order for me to be in any kind of "relatonship" with someone I have to be completely happy with myself. I have to be look at myself from the outside in and say, would I "date" myself. I say naw, and its not because I think lowly of myself...There is only one me and I happy that I am me...but I got to get my ish together. I say no because I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I am going to do. It takes alot to actually admit that but its truth.
So I was thinking about this and then I watch this video come on and I am like OMG. I love Trey Songz, the model was very lucky :). Shout out to all the natural hair girls of the world :).
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"That Magic"
So I am up at a early hour, but I went to sleep pretty early. I am in alot of pain...for some reason I am sore all over. Maybe I should take some vitamins. Anyway I am on youtube and I see that ihustlenation posted another vlog called "That Magic". Its of course a great vid discussing the common sense things that we should already know.
This video got me thinking about my blog that discusses loving on a expectation level. You know how people go out their way to show a person ONLY the good side of them...only for the person to end up being disappointed in the end bc things are not what they seem. We have all experienced this on some level. We all set ourselves up for that disappointment in a way also.
My most recent experience was over the summer. I set myself up for that shit. I was highly disappointed to say the least and I try not to think about it for too long bc I get mad...lol. Despite the situation though, I don't hate the person, I actually would accept them with open arms. I have nothing but love for them and would accept them flaws and all.I have learned that its important to just see things for what they are. Although its wrong to decieve or only show what you want to see, society kind of set it up that way. The society is set up to make us focus on how others percieve us.
What drew me to that particular person was more than just how they looked, but I could not deny how attractive this person was. But I was taught another lesson on how looks definitely do not matter. The physical part of you is just that the physical. So many of us get caught up in the physical part of life that we forget about our soul, the higher self, our intuition.
So that is one of the major reasons why relationships fail. We chose to disclose important information about ourselves because we want the person to see what we want them to see. I say this with seriousness. I want the truth, don't sugarcoat anything for me. I rather a guy be honest with me but I know alot of people say that most women can't handle the truth. Well my ass have no problem telling how I feel, especially to those close to me. My ex told me that he never had to doubt how I felt about something, sometimes it was piercing though he said...whatever that meant. I remember the guy from the summer told me, "I am trying to spare your feelings". I said, "Spare my feelings(in a WTF way)? I just want to know the truth." I want the truth even if it hurts, even if my pride gets bruised. But I understand that the truth is sometimes hard to swallow. But it would not be hard to swallow if we all just accept things for what they are.
This video got me thinking about my blog that discusses loving on a expectation level. You know how people go out their way to show a person ONLY the good side of them...only for the person to end up being disappointed in the end bc things are not what they seem. We have all experienced this on some level. We all set ourselves up for that disappointment in a way also.
My most recent experience was over the summer. I set myself up for that shit. I was highly disappointed to say the least and I try not to think about it for too long bc I get mad...lol. Despite the situation though, I don't hate the person, I actually would accept them with open arms. I have nothing but love for them and would accept them flaws and all.I have learned that its important to just see things for what they are. Although its wrong to decieve or only show what you want to see, society kind of set it up that way. The society is set up to make us focus on how others percieve us.
What drew me to that particular person was more than just how they looked, but I could not deny how attractive this person was. But I was taught another lesson on how looks definitely do not matter. The physical part of you is just that the physical. So many of us get caught up in the physical part of life that we forget about our soul, the higher self, our intuition.
So that is one of the major reasons why relationships fail. We chose to disclose important information about ourselves because we want the person to see what we want them to see. I say this with seriousness. I want the truth, don't sugarcoat anything for me. I rather a guy be honest with me but I know alot of people say that most women can't handle the truth. Well my ass have no problem telling how I feel, especially to those close to me. My ex told me that he never had to doubt how I felt about something, sometimes it was piercing though he said...whatever that meant. I remember the guy from the summer told me, "I am trying to spare your feelings". I said, "Spare my feelings(in a WTF way)? I just want to know the truth." I want the truth even if it hurts, even if my pride gets bruised. But I understand that the truth is sometimes hard to swallow. But it would not be hard to swallow if we all just accept things for what they are.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop
I love this song! I always wondered who sung this song bc its on that one commercial...I was watching vh1 and it came on. Very sweet song.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I really like this song
Since I sleep at odd hours, I tend to be up watching the videos on vh1. This song called Eet by Regina Spektor really resonates within me.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Miss January
That is the song that my ex said is dedicated to me... We talked on the phone for a long time. He just really needed someone to talk to. Believe it or not I am very nuturing and good at talking to those that need that good talk.It showed me that guys are really emotional, but he is just a little more comfortable with showing his compared to others. We had a real interesting conversation, he was comfortable enough to even talk about girls with me. Its weird but it is not (because I was giving him advice)...he is such a nice guy when it comes to girls. It made me think about our past and what I have learned. I told him some of my frustrations when it comes to guys because he knows that I am pretty straight forward, I express exactly what I feel for the most part, I sometimes have the tendancy to be all or nothing. But this convo made me think about what I will and will not do in the future. He is a good guy that can be hard on himself. You know I had to look up that song tho :). Its bittersweet, the whole convo was bittersweet. You know, like the Leona Lewis song, Better with time...thought I couldn't live without you, its gonna hurt when it heals too. I feel that statement very much. Of course I am going through the healing process...but its bittersweet...you feel me...It kind of hard to explain.
Monday Morning
So I just woke up not too long ago. Slept ok but dreamed about someone. I can't get them out of my head, I guess it will get easier with time. It's amazing how people can have a major impact on your life and don't realize how big it was. Or maybe they do but too afraid to face it. Seriously if I told my whole story you would be like wow. And I am talking about the changes that I have felt inside, not necessarily the person, although they help trigger these changes. I have learned that when it comes to love, you should not have expectations. We are taught to love at the expectation level...which is why we have so much pain when a relationship ends...More relationship would last if we did not look at love at the expectation level. But that is what society teaches us to love from.
I understand why people are so wrapped up in having labels in relationships when they are not married. Its the feeling of being exclusive and being with that one and only. But I also understand why some people don't care for labels. But you know society set up labels and boxes to put people in so it won't be "confusing". The problem with having the labels is that people come into these relationships with expectations and obligations...many times unrealistic. Then when things don't fall through, they are hurt, angry, in pain, feel betrayed. In a way you kind of set youself up for that (although)its unintentional because you put so much expectations on that one person who is not obligated to live up to those expectations. I don't care if yall made an agreement, at the end of the day its not a contract and you all most likely are not married. I am talking strictly about those not married in this blog entry.
Many times people come into these relationships not loving themselves and expect that other person to fill them up with love. Love should have already been there in the first place. Two people searching for the other to fill up that love is a disaster in the making. Two people should be sharing the love that they already have. You should not go into these situations expecting anything from eachother, it should already come from within. People have pain because many times they put all these expectations on this one person. I do think that pain is important because then we heal. It is not easy to get to that point of no expectations.
I think people want labels because they are afraid of losing that person, losing the love. So if they have this label, for some reason its a little better. Love does not fear. You should not fear losing the love because it should already come from inside. In a way, putting labels on things is like restricting eachother. Love is universal and should be shared not only between eachother but to everything. If the bond is strong enough, you will not doubt or worry and it will shine through (people will notice). When in these relationships, Is each person truly doing what they want? Many times no because they are trying to make the other person look at them in the positive light at all times. I want the person that I have a bond with to be truly happy and do what they want because they want to do that. Of course compromise is important but I am talking about the bigger picture.
That positive light that we are always trying to make sure people see us in was conditioned through our parents. Doing what our parents think is right of us instead of doing what we truly want to do. So in a way, that is learning to hate ourselves as harsh as it sounds. Many times parents do what they were taught. We learn to fear things that are part of who we really are. I am telling you, maybe its all in my head...but I think that I represent what the person that I can't get out of my head fear the most. I feel like they are running away from it. But the irony of it, I think that was what drew them to me in the first place...they felt that in my nature. But then again it could be all in my head...then I am like, all these changes I have gone through, it can't just be in my head.
As you can see I have alot of my mind. On top of that I woke up to six text messages from my ex because he is getting deployed in January and of course he is scared. It is his first time getting deployed. I am of course going to call him and try to make him feel a little better. I know he stills sees me the same way as he did when were in a relationship. But I will be there to support him as a friend and as a friend only.
I understand why people are so wrapped up in having labels in relationships when they are not married. Its the feeling of being exclusive and being with that one and only. But I also understand why some people don't care for labels. But you know society set up labels and boxes to put people in so it won't be "confusing". The problem with having the labels is that people come into these relationships with expectations and obligations...many times unrealistic. Then when things don't fall through, they are hurt, angry, in pain, feel betrayed. In a way you kind of set youself up for that (although)its unintentional because you put so much expectations on that one person who is not obligated to live up to those expectations. I don't care if yall made an agreement, at the end of the day its not a contract and you all most likely are not married. I am talking strictly about those not married in this blog entry.
Many times people come into these relationships not loving themselves and expect that other person to fill them up with love. Love should have already been there in the first place. Two people searching for the other to fill up that love is a disaster in the making. Two people should be sharing the love that they already have. You should not go into these situations expecting anything from eachother, it should already come from within. People have pain because many times they put all these expectations on this one person. I do think that pain is important because then we heal. It is not easy to get to that point of no expectations.
I think people want labels because they are afraid of losing that person, losing the love. So if they have this label, for some reason its a little better. Love does not fear. You should not fear losing the love because it should already come from inside. In a way, putting labels on things is like restricting eachother. Love is universal and should be shared not only between eachother but to everything. If the bond is strong enough, you will not doubt or worry and it will shine through (people will notice). When in these relationships, Is each person truly doing what they want? Many times no because they are trying to make the other person look at them in the positive light at all times. I want the person that I have a bond with to be truly happy and do what they want because they want to do that. Of course compromise is important but I am talking about the bigger picture.
That positive light that we are always trying to make sure people see us in was conditioned through our parents. Doing what our parents think is right of us instead of doing what we truly want to do. So in a way, that is learning to hate ourselves as harsh as it sounds. Many times parents do what they were taught. We learn to fear things that are part of who we really are. I am telling you, maybe its all in my head...but I think that I represent what the person that I can't get out of my head fear the most. I feel like they are running away from it. But the irony of it, I think that was what drew them to me in the first place...they felt that in my nature. But then again it could be all in my head...then I am like, all these changes I have gone through, it can't just be in my head.
As you can see I have alot of my mind. On top of that I woke up to six text messages from my ex because he is getting deployed in January and of course he is scared. It is his first time getting deployed. I am of course going to call him and try to make him feel a little better. I know he stills sees me the same way as he did when were in a relationship. But I will be there to support him as a friend and as a friend only.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Weekend Wrapup
I chilled as usual. Today was wash hair day. I think my hair is growing. I say that because I went natural about 3 years ago. The first year it grew fast after I finally cut the relaxed ends off. When it hit the 2nd year, it grew, but it seem at a slower pace. Since I have hit that third year, it seem to have increased in growth....my friend even took notice a couple of weeks ago. But I need to trim it. Anywayz I am pretty hungry, I need to eat something...
Musiq always makes me smile
Musiq always makes me smile
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Songs on my mind
Yesterday I pretty much was in the bed. I was inducted into Alpha Chi National Honor society. It was overall nice. Many things on my mind lately. Today while laying in my bed these songs came to my head...
5 Steps-Dru Hill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEvpuhdhT0I
Jodeci's Cry for You randomly comes in my head too
5 Steps-Dru Hill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEvpuhdhT0I
Jodeci's Cry for You randomly comes in my head too
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Feeling
I am feeling a little better. I am trying to take the time get back in balance and focus. I have so much to say...I am an open book in general but cannot really express it right now. I think its bc someone is holding back how they feel and I am feelng that. There nothing is wrong with opening up, expressing yourself and tapping into that emotional side. I go crazy if I don't express myself.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Pensive
I need to definitely fall back.
My ass is trippin big time.
I wish I can explain what I am feeling right now, but I am confused my damn self.
That is exactly what I told my long time high school guy friend through a text.
He text me right on time bc I was getting upset.
We did not talk about what I was feeling but you know how someone calls or text you and it distracts you...thats what happened.
You ever heard that saying, The heart has reasons that reason does not understand....well that kind of explains how I am feeling.
So its hard to explain to just anybody. I am sure those that I would choose to tell this too would try to understand.
But I rather express what I am truly feeling to someone who really does understand.
Its too personal for me to even grasp at the moment.
And to think that I was doing okay for a minute.
I knew everyday was not going to be easy but I feel like I am back to square one.
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand...
My ass is trippin big time.
I wish I can explain what I am feeling right now, but I am confused my damn self.
That is exactly what I told my long time high school guy friend through a text.
He text me right on time bc I was getting upset.
We did not talk about what I was feeling but you know how someone calls or text you and it distracts you...thats what happened.
You ever heard that saying, The heart has reasons that reason does not understand....well that kind of explains how I am feeling.
So its hard to explain to just anybody. I am sure those that I would choose to tell this too would try to understand.
But I rather express what I am truly feeling to someone who really does understand.
Its too personal for me to even grasp at the moment.
And to think that I was doing okay for a minute.
I knew everyday was not going to be easy but I feel like I am back to square one.
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The 90s girl
So I am on youtube and watching tv at the same time. I was thinking about the 90's...How the women in the music industry had a edge, a rawness that is so missing now. Back when girls did not have to show much...they can show the tummy with baggy jacket, jeans, and boots and still have alot of sex appeal. Everybody now is focused on being a diva, which nothing is wrong with that. I mean that is what is in now. But I do miss it the realness from the older days. I would blend right in with the 90's. That was such a down to earth time. The 90's bring back the fond memories of my childhood. Although brandy had that girl next door image, she still had a down to earth rawness also. It also seem like there was more of a sisterhood back in the day vs now...
Ramblings part II
So I am getting inducted into Alpha Chi National Honor Society next tuesday and just came back from a rehearsal. Not that many people showed up but apparently its gonna be 35 of us. Friends and family are invited and of course i doubt that my fam will be able to make it and I have only one good friend. I can invite my roommate also. Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have a SO there to support me also...yall know what I mean...I guess its the libra in me, Im a leo but I have alot of libra in my birthchart. But I am still proud of myself and still will accept my honor with pride :).
Monday, October 12, 2009
Ramblings
The inet is finally back up. It was out all weekend, the blog that I put up before this one was typed at the library. This past weekend was another quiet one. I went to the park this weekend for a minute. I was watching the countdown of the top 100 hip hop songs of all time on vh1. It was a good countdown, brung back alot of memories. One thing that Mc Lyte said I completely agree with...The question was asked what do you miss about hip hop and she said the storytelling. That is very true.
I watched Higher Learning too. I still can't believe my mom took me and my sis to see that movie when I was nine. But then again I am glad I did. But its amazing what you pick up on when you get older, that movie had so much symbolism in it. I could not watch the end though. I went to my friend's apt when the shooting was about to start. It was good to catch up with her, I had not really been socializing that much. Plus she fed me, that was cool :). We watched role models, which I saw with my ex but I half watched it when I saw it with him bc I was mad at him. But its a silly movie. Then right when I was about to leave, bc it was late, Pee Wee's Big Adventure came on MTV. I loved that movie as a little girl. My two favorite movies at age 4 was that and Disorderlies.
While on the verge to leave bc I was getting sleepy...it was almost 2 AM, I looked at my phone and saw that I got a text from someone I did not expect to get a text from. I have reached out to this person so many times and sometimes they responded, sometimes they did not. I sent them a message on facebook (no not my ex) so they may have read it, who knows. But I was surprised...they wanted me to come see them but I could not. I would have but it was just not a good time. The irony with this is remember I said the number 11 always follows me...well it was the 11th and the day I went to see them for the first time it was the 11th. I have talked about this person alot "discretely" in my blogs. This person is one of those damn people that make you break all of the "typical rules" when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. But then again, the situation with them is quite different, its hard to explain....
I watched Higher Learning too. I still can't believe my mom took me and my sis to see that movie when I was nine. But then again I am glad I did. But its amazing what you pick up on when you get older, that movie had so much symbolism in it. I could not watch the end though. I went to my friend's apt when the shooting was about to start. It was good to catch up with her, I had not really been socializing that much. Plus she fed me, that was cool :). We watched role models, which I saw with my ex but I half watched it when I saw it with him bc I was mad at him. But its a silly movie. Then right when I was about to leave, bc it was late, Pee Wee's Big Adventure came on MTV. I loved that movie as a little girl. My two favorite movies at age 4 was that and Disorderlies.
While on the verge to leave bc I was getting sleepy...it was almost 2 AM, I looked at my phone and saw that I got a text from someone I did not expect to get a text from. I have reached out to this person so many times and sometimes they responded, sometimes they did not. I sent them a message on facebook (no not my ex) so they may have read it, who knows. But I was surprised...they wanted me to come see them but I could not. I would have but it was just not a good time. The irony with this is remember I said the number 11 always follows me...well it was the 11th and the day I went to see them for the first time it was the 11th. I have talked about this person alot "discretely" in my blogs. This person is one of those damn people that make you break all of the "typical rules" when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. But then again, the situation with them is quite different, its hard to explain....
Saturday, October 10, 2009
My thoughts on the start of the weekend
I am slowly getting out of the cocoon that I have been in for the past month. Last night I was sleeping and heard a knock on my door. At first I thought it was the neighbors bc they have the tendancy to always be loud. But then I realized that the knocking was coming from my door and I heard a girl's voice. Mind you it is late. Well I get up bc the banging is loud and it seem like somebody was trying to get in. I thought that maybe someone was drunk and was trying to get in the wrong room. I look through the peep hole and it was some chick banging on my door, pacing at my door, on the phone crying saying lord tell me you lying over and over again...she aint answering the door, then she says to the person on the phone, I'll make it up to you...then she walks off crying on the phone.
Now I am like what the fuck? I look at the clock, it say 2:11 AM...that 11 number is always following me. I am like who is she and I doubt my roommate knows her, we are drama free compared to the other people who bring their drama to the apartment dorm. I am laying down thinking...bc my ass was peacefully sleep and I was woken up...I look at the clock again, its 2:37...numbers with 7 have been following me alot lately.
So I am sitting there thinking, thinking...why is this chick knocking on our door...we don't associate really with nobody in the apt dorm, just say hey how you doing...my roommate is always at her man's house at night. The girl on the phone sounded like she was talking to a guy. Then I thought maybe I should have opened the door, but ever since I was in undergrad and I lived in a off campus apartment, I always told myself to never open the door for anybody I did not recognize, especially at night. This chick was knocking on my door like she was on a mission to find out something. I don't associate with nobody like that in my apartment dorm. Then I was thinking, the only person I dealt with is in a neighboring city and go to a neighboring HBCU and they come off as very selective and discrete (like me) when is comes to people they mess with. I know he would not mess with no messy chick who is banging on my door at 2 AM. But then again who really knows bc guys can shock the hell out of you. And I have not seen his butt since the summer...See my imagination was running wild...Well there is nothing that I can do now.
One thing I learn is to not depend on people to pay you back for things, even if you trust them. Let's just say that I am losing my patience with my ex and I will be giving him a little piece of my mind on facebook.
Have a great Saturday everyone...I am going to the park to think.
Now I am like what the fuck? I look at the clock, it say 2:11 AM...that 11 number is always following me. I am like who is she and I doubt my roommate knows her, we are drama free compared to the other people who bring their drama to the apartment dorm. I am laying down thinking...bc my ass was peacefully sleep and I was woken up...I look at the clock again, its 2:37...numbers with 7 have been following me alot lately.
So I am sitting there thinking, thinking...why is this chick knocking on our door...we don't associate really with nobody in the apt dorm, just say hey how you doing...my roommate is always at her man's house at night. The girl on the phone sounded like she was talking to a guy. Then I thought maybe I should have opened the door, but ever since I was in undergrad and I lived in a off campus apartment, I always told myself to never open the door for anybody I did not recognize, especially at night. This chick was knocking on my door like she was on a mission to find out something. I don't associate with nobody like that in my apartment dorm. Then I was thinking, the only person I dealt with is in a neighboring city and go to a neighboring HBCU and they come off as very selective and discrete (like me) when is comes to people they mess with. I know he would not mess with no messy chick who is banging on my door at 2 AM. But then again who really knows bc guys can shock the hell out of you. And I have not seen his butt since the summer...See my imagination was running wild...Well there is nothing that I can do now.
One thing I learn is to not depend on people to pay you back for things, even if you trust them. Let's just say that I am losing my patience with my ex and I will be giving him a little piece of my mind on facebook.
Have a great Saturday everyone...I am going to the park to think.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Journey of the Soul
During my journey of becoming aware, I have had to face and (still facing) my ego. As I said in a past blog entry, Its something that we all are born with and it grows through time. Ego is not a bad thing, its part of you, but you should not allow it to take over to the point where it affects your relationship with others and most importantly the relationship with your self.
When I was having those dreams with alot of symbolism, one meaning of it represented getting back to a place of innnocence, being childlike. That place where you just see things for what they are and do not judge. God is just like that to me, accepts everyone for who they are. Nobody is put in boxes and labels are not made. It is just what it is. As a person gets older and go through experiences good and bad, we all know our innocence gets chipped away little by little. Sometimes to the point that we forget who we really are. Things such as doubt, fear, greed, selfishness gets in the way of relationships with others including ourselves.
But like Steve Gunn said:
I always say to people that i think God has a pretty cool way to wake us up to that and its through soul connections. The "soul shock" as i called it is just that. An electric bolt to wake us up from the prison of our mental consciousness and put us back in touch with the divine from where we came and where we return.
During those early stages for me I kept asking those questions of why why why? Like your younger sibling who wants to know everything and everybody.
Musiq soulchild love is the perfect song to describe what I have been going through.
Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change...
We meet people for a reason and I met a person that triggered me to wake up. And yes I do believe the universe or God whatever terminology you like to use, set that up.
And many times at the drop of a hat, that same person person disappears. Then I started having dreams which triggered me to ask why why why? I wanted find the answers.
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your touch, your feel, your essence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts and no fears
And no questions
You go to a period of sadness and pain because that person is not here and you do not know why you want them there with you...they don't know you! Logic comes in and you try to forget because its just another person, they come and go...But you just can't shake it! But You know what you feel inside. That pain is part of the waking up process.
At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do
I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true
You go through the healing process which includes alot of self reflection. Looking within and discovering who you really are. Connecting closer to God. You learn uncondtional love...love without need because you seek it from yourself. You learn to have faith. You learn to trust yourself and to face all of your fears. You learn to accept things for what they are. How you view things is different from before and you know that you cannot go back to what that was.
Once you get to that point of acceptance, many times that same person that triggered you to start asking those questions why why why reconnect right back to you. Even if its not necessarily on a physical plane, its still in the heart...and you are ok with that.
Happiness comes from within a sense of purpose, a sense of being connected...oneness. And that oneness comes from a journey through want and need and pain to acceptance and unconditional love.
-Steve Gunn
God is Love :).
When I was having those dreams with alot of symbolism, one meaning of it represented getting back to a place of innnocence, being childlike. That place where you just see things for what they are and do not judge. God is just like that to me, accepts everyone for who they are. Nobody is put in boxes and labels are not made. It is just what it is. As a person gets older and go through experiences good and bad, we all know our innocence gets chipped away little by little. Sometimes to the point that we forget who we really are. Things such as doubt, fear, greed, selfishness gets in the way of relationships with others including ourselves.
But like Steve Gunn said:
I always say to people that i think God has a pretty cool way to wake us up to that and its through soul connections. The "soul shock" as i called it is just that. An electric bolt to wake us up from the prison of our mental consciousness and put us back in touch with the divine from where we came and where we return.
During those early stages for me I kept asking those questions of why why why? Like your younger sibling who wants to know everything and everybody.
Musiq soulchild love is the perfect song to describe what I have been going through.
Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change...
We meet people for a reason and I met a person that triggered me to wake up. And yes I do believe the universe or God whatever terminology you like to use, set that up.
And many times at the drop of a hat, that same person person disappears. Then I started having dreams which triggered me to ask why why why? I wanted find the answers.
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your touch, your feel, your essence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts and no fears
And no questions
You go to a period of sadness and pain because that person is not here and you do not know why you want them there with you...they don't know you! Logic comes in and you try to forget because its just another person, they come and go...But you just can't shake it! But You know what you feel inside. That pain is part of the waking up process.
At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do
I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true
You go through the healing process which includes alot of self reflection. Looking within and discovering who you really are. Connecting closer to God. You learn uncondtional love...love without need because you seek it from yourself. You learn to have faith. You learn to trust yourself and to face all of your fears. You learn to accept things for what they are. How you view things is different from before and you know that you cannot go back to what that was.
Once you get to that point of acceptance, many times that same person that triggered you to start asking those questions why why why reconnect right back to you. Even if its not necessarily on a physical plane, its still in the heart...and you are ok with that.
Happiness comes from within a sense of purpose, a sense of being connected...oneness. And that oneness comes from a journey through want and need and pain to acceptance and unconditional love.
-Steve Gunn
God is Love :).
Imsomnia
My sleeping patterns have changed drastically. Its after midnight. I have a hard time falling asleep. I wonder why…
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Logic vs Heart
I have always been taught to use logic when it comes to relationships. But I am learning that sometimes when you try to, it makes things even more confusing. Our ancestors were more in tune with the universe. They followed their heart and intuition for daily living. Don't get it twisted, its important to be logical but sometimes I feel like people forget about that other part of them that is way stronger...that sixth sense.
You have those relationship books but I am learning that you should just go off your experiences and what is in your heart. I am one of those people that listen to my heart first and then integrate logic. Some people are more detached and go strictly off logic and some just go completely off emotion.
See I feel like I am in a situation where I feel something in the heart but actions are showing opposite. Now using logic I would say, I am being delusional. But my heart feels something else.
Plus I feel certain numbers are following me and reminders of this person keep popping up out of no where. Its almost like they are where I am, following me. Now if I analyze this logically I would think that I am a nutcase and thinking too much. But numbers are energy...our birthdates are energy, our names are energy. Those numbers are following me to the point where I get frustrated because I want to know what exactly it means.
I am glad for the transition that I am going through, its a definite learning experience. But sometimes I say why me? Life is more enriched now, but at the same time confusing.
You have those relationship books but I am learning that you should just go off your experiences and what is in your heart. I am one of those people that listen to my heart first and then integrate logic. Some people are more detached and go strictly off logic and some just go completely off emotion.
See I feel like I am in a situation where I feel something in the heart but actions are showing opposite. Now using logic I would say, I am being delusional. But my heart feels something else.
Plus I feel certain numbers are following me and reminders of this person keep popping up out of no where. Its almost like they are where I am, following me. Now if I analyze this logically I would think that I am a nutcase and thinking too much. But numbers are energy...our birthdates are energy, our names are energy. Those numbers are following me to the point where I get frustrated because I want to know what exactly it means.
I am glad for the transition that I am going through, its a definite learning experience. But sometimes I say why me? Life is more enriched now, but at the same time confusing.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Its Officially Fall (A time of reflection)
The fall season is here and it snuck up on us. Its already October. Summer is a thing of the past and now it is time to reflect on life. Most people think that fall is the time to be on the grind (which you should always be reaching for your goals) but its really a time for reflection...think of the season where the farmers harvest their crops.
The last few months has been a very introspective and reflective time for me. I find myself being more of a hermit than usual...lol. For a person like me, I am already a introvert so its almost feeling alienated. My hair is not liking it one bit!
The weather has definitely changed drastically. It went from hot to cool really quick...haven't you all notice. People are feeling tired and getting sick. Its because they are not taking the time to relax and reflect.
My journey through my awakening has only just begun. Everyday I actually learn something new. Things that I use to be interested in don't appeal to me as much as it use to. School is starting to become a bore (Gasp). If I had never had to worry about money, you know what I would do? I would travel all around the world and learn something new everyday. Get a feel of different cultures. Particularly with a lover who has the same desire also. I would engage in metaphysics and spiritality on a more advanced level. I would also tap into my creative side with music and arts or just embrace the art of it all (through going to shows, museums, and art galleries). That is what my heart wants.
But I am definitely where a person best stated as "the in-between stage" right now. I know I can't go back to my old beliefs and ways but I am still trying to figure out where I really want to go. Words cannot even describe the things that I am experiencing. And I laugh at those who wish they can find a "soulmate". Its not something that you go looking for, it finds you. And the relationship with that person is unconventional, meaning its definitely not like the movies. Its a very challenging situation and the relationship can be hard to explain to someone if there is even a relationship.
Alot of people who have true soul connections are not physically with the soul mate. I don't even like to use the term soul mate bc the way society has made it into a fairy tale meaning. So I say soul connection. A true connection is established when two souls have a vibratory resonance. Its kind of like when you are flipping through radio stations and you are trying to tune it to the right frequency. The right spot of that frequency where you can hear the music is similar to when two souls are connected. Its a sense of oneness...their conciousness are merging together. The connection is strong to the point where you can sense eachother's thoughts and feelings. The vibration of the souls connecting is intensified and enriched beyond what it was to begin with.
You are pretty much one in the same but you both bring out a part of eachother that was forgotten. You two are alike bc you are one in the soul....like attract like....but there is polarity which draws you two together like a magnet. Meeting eachother is predestined and its not like any other relationship you had before (keep in mind the relationship does not have to be romantic but in many cases it turns into one). Steven Gunn said it best...The love was there before you two met rather than love growing with time (I am paraphrasing). Its unconditional love, its loving every part of that person just because. Its loving without need, want, desire. One of my favorite old school tracks says it best..."Sometimes I just can't help thinking living without you baby, see sometimes, I just can't live crying about you baby.Im not worry about a doggone thing, I'll take anything you bring. Although I love the sunshine, I'll still accept the rain." ("I call your name" by Switch).
Someone said it best...when you go through this experience, you view music lyrics and poetry differently and you realize what you thought was a deep feeling was actually superficial. You learn more about yourself as a person and you evaluate alot of what you have been taught. You learn to trust...You learn to trust yourself :). You learn that the physical part of you is just that, the physical. We are all connected to eachother, we are all energy that make up the universe. Steven Gunn explained this very well. The soul connection brings you back to the feeling of oneness...the physical body gives you the illusion that we are our own seperate thoughts and feelings...so we only are only concerned with our personal desires. But the awakening makes you realize that we are part of a whole and it expands our love and understanding for not only ourself, but for everything (people, animals, nature=universe).
The journey is an interesting one and it has just begun. Steven Gunn also talks about the runners. The ones that try to block that intensity that they clearly feel, but they fear it for whatever reasons suit their upbringing. It must be tough to be a runner. I just hope that all the runners learn to trust themselves. Edited to add: Being apart is actually a good thing bc it gives us both time to make sense of it all :). You can't run from destiny forever, it will catch up with you. Steven Gunn said it best:
I always say to people that i think God has a pretty cool way to wake us up to that and its through soul connections. The "soul shock" as i called it is just that. An electric bolt to wake us up from the prison of our mental consciousness and put us back in touch with the divine from where we came and where we return. BUT we also aren’t isolated from it here and now, we are just hampered by having a physical presence and physical consciousness called thought reality....
So the reason for soul connections is a continuation. Death is no end. So when we reincarnate if the script hasn’t concluded in the past life it continues in this one. The recognition, the feelings of knowing and the immense feeling of destiny at work, all are the big clues to that continuation.
Even when the runner runs, do we really feel that’s the end ? No. That’s where all the 'insanity' comes in. The runner may even deny everything but that voice inside shouts "this isn’t over". Is it all about the relationship and happiness on this physical plane, no. That’s part of it but this bigger picture is about our path, our spiritual progress, learning development, self awareness, self love - the whole thing.
Its only though this soul shock that we really experience the power of destiny, the fact that some things are just completely undeniable despite what i, them or this or that person thinks. If you doubt it just feel the pull, the pain, the immensity of the sensations to see just a small example of the powers of destiny.
Happiness comes from within a sense of purpose, a sense of being connected...oneness. And that oneness comes from a journey through want and need and pain to acceptance and unconditional love.
-Steven Gunn
The last few months has been a very introspective and reflective time for me. I find myself being more of a hermit than usual...lol. For a person like me, I am already a introvert so its almost feeling alienated. My hair is not liking it one bit!
The weather has definitely changed drastically. It went from hot to cool really quick...haven't you all notice. People are feeling tired and getting sick. Its because they are not taking the time to relax and reflect.
My journey through my awakening has only just begun. Everyday I actually learn something new. Things that I use to be interested in don't appeal to me as much as it use to. School is starting to become a bore (Gasp). If I had never had to worry about money, you know what I would do? I would travel all around the world and learn something new everyday. Get a feel of different cultures. Particularly with a lover who has the same desire also. I would engage in metaphysics and spiritality on a more advanced level. I would also tap into my creative side with music and arts or just embrace the art of it all (through going to shows, museums, and art galleries). That is what my heart wants.
But I am definitely where a person best stated as "the in-between stage" right now. I know I can't go back to my old beliefs and ways but I am still trying to figure out where I really want to go. Words cannot even describe the things that I am experiencing. And I laugh at those who wish they can find a "soulmate". Its not something that you go looking for, it finds you. And the relationship with that person is unconventional, meaning its definitely not like the movies. Its a very challenging situation and the relationship can be hard to explain to someone if there is even a relationship.
Alot of people who have true soul connections are not physically with the soul mate. I don't even like to use the term soul mate bc the way society has made it into a fairy tale meaning. So I say soul connection. A true connection is established when two souls have a vibratory resonance. Its kind of like when you are flipping through radio stations and you are trying to tune it to the right frequency. The right spot of that frequency where you can hear the music is similar to when two souls are connected. Its a sense of oneness...their conciousness are merging together. The connection is strong to the point where you can sense eachother's thoughts and feelings. The vibration of the souls connecting is intensified and enriched beyond what it was to begin with.
You are pretty much one in the same but you both bring out a part of eachother that was forgotten. You two are alike bc you are one in the soul....like attract like....but there is polarity which draws you two together like a magnet. Meeting eachother is predestined and its not like any other relationship you had before (keep in mind the relationship does not have to be romantic but in many cases it turns into one). Steven Gunn said it best...The love was there before you two met rather than love growing with time (I am paraphrasing). Its unconditional love, its loving every part of that person just because. Its loving without need, want, desire. One of my favorite old school tracks says it best..."Sometimes I just can't help thinking living without you baby, see sometimes, I just can't live crying about you baby.Im not worry about a doggone thing, I'll take anything you bring. Although I love the sunshine, I'll still accept the rain." ("I call your name" by Switch).
Someone said it best...when you go through this experience, you view music lyrics and poetry differently and you realize what you thought was a deep feeling was actually superficial. You learn more about yourself as a person and you evaluate alot of what you have been taught. You learn to trust...You learn to trust yourself :). You learn that the physical part of you is just that, the physical. We are all connected to eachother, we are all energy that make up the universe. Steven Gunn explained this very well. The soul connection brings you back to the feeling of oneness...the physical body gives you the illusion that we are our own seperate thoughts and feelings...so we only are only concerned with our personal desires. But the awakening makes you realize that we are part of a whole and it expands our love and understanding for not only ourself, but for everything (people, animals, nature=universe).
The journey is an interesting one and it has just begun. Steven Gunn also talks about the runners. The ones that try to block that intensity that they clearly feel, but they fear it for whatever reasons suit their upbringing. It must be tough to be a runner. I just hope that all the runners learn to trust themselves. Edited to add: Being apart is actually a good thing bc it gives us both time to make sense of it all :). You can't run from destiny forever, it will catch up with you. Steven Gunn said it best:
I always say to people that i think God has a pretty cool way to wake us up to that and its through soul connections. The "soul shock" as i called it is just that. An electric bolt to wake us up from the prison of our mental consciousness and put us back in touch with the divine from where we came and where we return. BUT we also aren’t isolated from it here and now, we are just hampered by having a physical presence and physical consciousness called thought reality....
So the reason for soul connections is a continuation. Death is no end. So when we reincarnate if the script hasn’t concluded in the past life it continues in this one. The recognition, the feelings of knowing and the immense feeling of destiny at work, all are the big clues to that continuation.
Even when the runner runs, do we really feel that’s the end ? No. That’s where all the 'insanity' comes in. The runner may even deny everything but that voice inside shouts "this isn’t over". Is it all about the relationship and happiness on this physical plane, no. That’s part of it but this bigger picture is about our path, our spiritual progress, learning development, self awareness, self love - the whole thing.
Its only though this soul shock that we really experience the power of destiny, the fact that some things are just completely undeniable despite what i, them or this or that person thinks. If you doubt it just feel the pull, the pain, the immensity of the sensations to see just a small example of the powers of destiny.
Happiness comes from within a sense of purpose, a sense of being connected...oneness. And that oneness comes from a journey through want and need and pain to acceptance and unconditional love.
-Steven Gunn
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Love Experience
Love is not Pain
Love is a sense of purpose
Love is a sense of oneness
Love is not Pain
Pain comes from the sense of need
Love comes from within.
I love Raheem :)
Love is a sense of purpose
Love is a sense of oneness
Love is not Pain
Pain comes from the sense of need
Love comes from within.
I love Raheem :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
GET OUT OF THIS FUNK
I don't know why, but I have not been wanting to be out and about. I pretty much missed out this weekend bc the sprite step off was at my school. I was planning on going but I was not in the mood to be around anybody. Now I am mad at myself. I need to stop planning mind games with myself.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Irony of things
I have been feeling all the things on this list I found on a forum... The ones that I bolded really had me like ok...I feel better now, i know I aint crazy!
My dear friend and I were talking recently regarding the different stages you go through when meeting your twin. (something we have done quite often for several years) We discussed exactly how the experience transends beyond just physical limits. Something that on this board, the MAJORITY have spoke up about. You only need to look through old posts to see.
We are compiling a list any who would like to join in this please feel welcomed. These are not nessesarily in order due to everyone experiences them at different times.
1.) The resonance- You meat and something you just don't know what hits you. I've lived this before, I know this person from somewhere but just dont know where. Dont recognize the face but those eyes say something.......you look further.....deep inside you see a soul. Very familiar! What is this spose to mean?
2) The search- You ask people and get the odd eye strange look. Some come right out and say you are out of your mind. Others just point their finger to their temple and spin it in a circle. None the less you know you are not crazy. This really happened.
3) The quest- So you search high and low for answers to "this connection" read every book you get your hands on. You are taken into faiths and beliefs you never knew existed. You learn much, you grow much.
You realize how limited everything is you were ever taught. Everything is so new, so beautiful. You think you know what it is all about.
4) The Dance- You feel so spiritual. The universe has no limits. You bask in the beauty of the connection and all your new found knowledge. This can only mean one thing. A physical union on Earth.
5) The denial- you question your own sanity. Theres no way this could be. I can't relate to someone so haenous and ego filled. NOT MY TWIN!!! no way.
6) The syncronisities- Every where you turn you are reminded of the connection. Number paterns pop up at the oddest times. same goes for songs, messages, pictures. You have experiences that transends beyond the physical realm. Things that can't be explained and when explained you are given that odd eye psycho look.
7) Dreams- You have vivid dreams, not just about your twin but dreams filled with spiritual meaning. Some of your dreams come true. 8.) The mirror- You start getting in touch with your own spirtuality. You see the reflection of the mirror in your soul. You know that you know but don't know what to do with it.
9) The Question- You question is this all one sided?
Does the other know? Where are we going? Will we be together.
10) The teacher- You have so much to say and say it.
So much wisdom in your thoughts. The words just flow out of nowhere. Its for someone, for self for understanding and sharing.
11) The Wondering- You wonder will this end. It depletes you, leaves you drained, sad, lonely and wore out. Just when you think you have it figured out you realize you are back to square one just a little more freyed at the edges.
12) The Stillness- For some reason, you find yourself with nothing to say. You want to respond to like minded souls but the words seem lost somewhere. you feel a little empty. Almost as if your soul slumbers.
13) The Truth- Just when you think you have found out the truth, the world steps in, the cosmos step in, God divine steps, your angels, your spirit guides and perfect strangers step in only to show you theres more. Just as you grow and think you know you are shown differently grow from that and yet again you are shown. Finally you realize that the only truth you can say without a doubt is that you are not alone and the lessons keep comming.
Blessings,
Silvertree
Keep adding folks
mya from AstroStar Astrology and More
Additionally Posted 10-9-2003 07:04
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14)The Surrender-You suddenly feel very small. Even helpless, to something much greater that you are. You feel as though the Source is playing with you. That you are an experiment of some sort and have no control over it. You try to fight, but you will never win. But by surrendering to this power, extraordinary beauty and growth flow very easily ( The Dance ).
15)The Answer-The overwhelming urge to share this phenomenon with the world and the desire for others to know such love. To touch others directly or indirectly so that they will realize there is more, but find it very hard to explain in mere words. It's too inexplicable
and unbelievable, but you try.
16)The Frustration-Wanting to be a part of your twin's physical life on Earth in some way.
17)The Home Plate-You feel relaxed and totally at ease. Comfortable and in harmony with your twin. You feel as though you have been far away but have come home again. You feel safe, engulfed in a warm security on familiar ground.
--------------
I'll post more as they come to me. But IMHO you have pretty well summed it up! If any of these fit into the other catagories, forgive me.
Blessings and love,
Mya
Dreamcatcher from AstroStar Astrology and More
continuing... Posted 10-9-2003 12:10
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 The Isolation-- The loneliness in your head because you have nobody to talk about it to. The difficulty in living 'normal' day to day life whilst holding this secret.
19) The Rejection of previous beliefs-- Old ways of viewing the world, religion, meaning of life no longer seem quite as true. You can feel that God is much closer than we imagine...but still everything seems a bit fuzzy.
20) Wondering why 'we' are going through this. Everybody else seems to be so 'normal' , going about their business as usual, They seem the lucky ones.
Skye from AstroStar Astrology and More
one more Posted 10-9-2003 14:59
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
21. The Daze. You keep looking up towards the sky,
while your conversations with God become
non-stop.
The Confusion - as to if this is what you think it is. If you were destined to meet why did it have to end, why was it so heavenly, why was it so intense, why couldn't it work, why did I meet this person, do they get the lesson yet. Why do I still know I'll meet them again.
The first meeting - bizarre circumstances led you to the other, unlikely events that led you to them, an instant pouring of soul love and radiance of heart. You got them and they got you, simple.
The Intensity - every minute of every day, in your thoughts, your body, your soul, your heart. the passion, the electricity. I once was told I was like 'an addiction'. The desire, the heartbreak when distance keeps you apart.
My dear friend and I were talking recently regarding the different stages you go through when meeting your twin. (something we have done quite often for several years) We discussed exactly how the experience transends beyond just physical limits. Something that on this board, the MAJORITY have spoke up about. You only need to look through old posts to see.
We are compiling a list any who would like to join in this please feel welcomed. These are not nessesarily in order due to everyone experiences them at different times.
1.) The resonance- You meat and something you just don't know what hits you. I've lived this before, I know this person from somewhere but just dont know where. Dont recognize the face but those eyes say something.......you look further.....deep inside you see a soul. Very familiar! What is this spose to mean?
2) The search- You ask people and get the odd eye strange look. Some come right out and say you are out of your mind. Others just point their finger to their temple and spin it in a circle. None the less you know you are not crazy. This really happened.
3) The quest- So you search high and low for answers to "this connection" read every book you get your hands on. You are taken into faiths and beliefs you never knew existed. You learn much, you grow much.
You realize how limited everything is you were ever taught. Everything is so new, so beautiful. You think you know what it is all about.
4) The Dance- You feel so spiritual. The universe has no limits. You bask in the beauty of the connection and all your new found knowledge. This can only mean one thing. A physical union on Earth.
5) The denial- you question your own sanity. Theres no way this could be. I can't relate to someone so haenous and ego filled. NOT MY TWIN!!! no way.
6) The syncronisities- Every where you turn you are reminded of the connection. Number paterns pop up at the oddest times. same goes for songs, messages, pictures. You have experiences that transends beyond the physical realm. Things that can't be explained and when explained you are given that odd eye psycho look.
7) Dreams- You have vivid dreams, not just about your twin but dreams filled with spiritual meaning. Some of your dreams come true. 8.) The mirror- You start getting in touch with your own spirtuality. You see the reflection of the mirror in your soul. You know that you know but don't know what to do with it.
9) The Question- You question is this all one sided?
Does the other know? Where are we going? Will we be together.
10) The teacher- You have so much to say and say it.
So much wisdom in your thoughts. The words just flow out of nowhere. Its for someone, for self for understanding and sharing.
11) The Wondering- You wonder will this end. It depletes you, leaves you drained, sad, lonely and wore out. Just when you think you have it figured out you realize you are back to square one just a little more freyed at the edges.
12) The Stillness- For some reason, you find yourself with nothing to say. You want to respond to like minded souls but the words seem lost somewhere. you feel a little empty. Almost as if your soul slumbers.
13) The Truth- Just when you think you have found out the truth, the world steps in, the cosmos step in, God divine steps, your angels, your spirit guides and perfect strangers step in only to show you theres more. Just as you grow and think you know you are shown differently grow from that and yet again you are shown. Finally you realize that the only truth you can say without a doubt is that you are not alone and the lessons keep comming.
Blessings,
Silvertree
Keep adding folks
mya from AstroStar Astrology and More
Additionally Posted 10-9-2003 07:04
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14)The Surrender-You suddenly feel very small. Even helpless, to something much greater that you are. You feel as though the Source is playing with you. That you are an experiment of some sort and have no control over it. You try to fight, but you will never win. But by surrendering to this power, extraordinary beauty and growth flow very easily ( The Dance ).
15)The Answer-The overwhelming urge to share this phenomenon with the world and the desire for others to know such love. To touch others directly or indirectly so that they will realize there is more, but find it very hard to explain in mere words. It's too inexplicable
and unbelievable, but you try.
16)The Frustration-Wanting to be a part of your twin's physical life on Earth in some way.
17)The Home Plate-You feel relaxed and totally at ease. Comfortable and in harmony with your twin. You feel as though you have been far away but have come home again. You feel safe, engulfed in a warm security on familiar ground.
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I'll post more as they come to me. But IMHO you have pretty well summed it up! If any of these fit into the other catagories, forgive me.
Blessings and love,
Mya
Dreamcatcher from AstroStar Astrology and More
continuing... Posted 10-9-2003 12:10
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1 The Isolation-- The loneliness in your head because you have nobody to talk about it to. The difficulty in living 'normal' day to day life whilst holding this secret.
19) The Rejection of previous beliefs-- Old ways of viewing the world, religion, meaning of life no longer seem quite as true. You can feel that God is much closer than we imagine...but still everything seems a bit fuzzy.
20) Wondering why 'we' are going through this. Everybody else seems to be so 'normal' , going about their business as usual, They seem the lucky ones.
Skye from AstroStar Astrology and More
one more Posted 10-9-2003 14:59
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21. The Daze. You keep looking up towards the sky,
while your conversations with God become
non-stop.
The Confusion - as to if this is what you think it is. If you were destined to meet why did it have to end, why was it so heavenly, why was it so intense, why couldn't it work, why did I meet this person, do they get the lesson yet. Why do I still know I'll meet them again.
The first meeting - bizarre circumstances led you to the other, unlikely events that led you to them, an instant pouring of soul love and radiance of heart. You got them and they got you, simple.
The Intensity - every minute of every day, in your thoughts, your body, your soul, your heart. the passion, the electricity. I once was told I was like 'an addiction'. The desire, the heartbreak when distance keeps you apart.
Why do People…
So I was woken up about 10 minutes ago because my next door neighbor was arguing with her boyfriend once again. It is not even 10 in the morning yet. I live on campus in "apartment style" dorm. This is the only dorm on campus where visitation is not restrictive. But I swear, if police gets involved, they are going to make the rules more restrictive. These people have explosive arguments….The girl crying and shit, dude yelling. I was woken up by this shit this morning. I don't understand why people stay with each other when they know that the relationship is toxic. Some people just cannot be alone. They are always accusing each other of messing with this person and that person. They obviously can't trust each other.
And why do people let arguments get that explosive. Now my ex and I have had our moments but he always left. This couple just continues to scream and holler at each other. Some may not know this but I can be empathetic to people, and I have learned that I have to change the channel on TV, stop listening to certain things, and not read certain things. I take a person's situation and feel what they are feeling. If you do that too much, you will end up being miserable because you are taking on their energy. Right now I am mad because I was sleep. See they keep slamming doors right now! I put on some Lloyd to calm me down.
I just hope that the neighbor eventually find the strength to leave this dude. They do not need to be with each other. I am glad that I am at a place where I am comfortable being by myself. Now don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I want a hug or just cuddle with someone special but I know that I have to be patient…it hard sometimes. There was once upon a time when I could not imagine being without my ex. But guess what, I am. I guess this is God's way of saying, would you rather be alone at a peaceful place or with someone and miserable?
I was at the park yesterday. It was a beautiful day, clear blue skies. I sat there for about an hour just taking everything in. I know it is not February but I still want a Valentine. I was just looking at the sky and thinking about what my next man was going to be like. One thing I will say is that whoever he is, he is going to be so lucky!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
So Amazing
This guy is a genius...OMG. I love his album by the way people are sleeping on him. You know what makes him attractive to me...the fact that he is not only intelligent (Harvard Grad at age 19) but extremely artistic. I love that. You know back when he was a teenager, kids would have boxed him as a geek...
Watching these clips made me think back to when my ex told me...for you to be so musically inclined, I don't understand why you don't play any instruments. My but needs to buy guitar and keyboard bc I want to teach myself just because...I have alot of free time on my hands.
I love this song, I always was curious on how he came up with this track.
Watching these clips made me think back to when my ex told me...for you to be so musically inclined, I don't understand why you don't play any instruments. My but needs to buy guitar and keyboard bc I want to teach myself just because...I have alot of free time on my hands.
I love this song, I always was curious on how he came up with this track.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Aware
This past month has been one of the most peaceful months this year. Maybe because I have been changing my perception of things. Mentally this past summer was a challenging one. I was having dreams that stood out to me compared to dreams of the past. If you read my old blogs you know what I am talking about. Those dreams pretty much symbolize me getting back to a place of innocence, new beginnings, tapping into the innerself to understand the physical world around me, and to become more aware.
At the time of those dreams, I was very confused. I now understand why. It is because my innerself is not a reflection on what is going on in my outerworld. There are things that I feel inside that have not yet manifested in the outerworld.
Now that I am more aware, I pay even more attention to the little things. I admit I did not quite understand when I read that I needed to get back to a place of innocence. But you know how when you are a kid, you see things for what they are...you don't judge or put things in boxes. But as you get older and are taught by your parents what you should and should not do, you began to lose your innocence but your EGO gets bigger.
To me the place of innocence is way closer to God than your ego. Because to me God loves all his children, he see things for what they are and do not judge. Children and animals are wonderful creatures...you know why? Because although children are born with EGOs, they are so innocent...You notice how they are oh so brutally honest and inquisitive. Animals imo don't even have egos and if they do, they don't use them. Animals and children are very intuitive, they can sense what alot of adults don't even try to sense.
So my unconscious was trying to get me back to that place of innocence. To awaken and become more intune with my innerself so that I can have a better understanding of the outerworld and the ones around me.
Guess who was with me on that journey in my dreams...Him.
The number 11 has alot of relevance to me this year. In numerology my birthday this year 8/19/2009 breaks down to the number 11. The number 11 is a master number of relevation, ilumination, and awareness. The spiritual messenger. On the search for the truth, the mysteries of life. Idealistic and dreamy.
When you break down 11 you get the number 2 which means harmony, partnerships, and peace.
It all makes sense.
If his Bday is correct, his birthday this year (x/xx/2009) breaks down to 11 also. Which then breaks down to 2. On our first one on one meeting...after the first time we met...was on the 11th of day of the month. Interesting.
At the time of those dreams, I was very confused. I now understand why. It is because my innerself is not a reflection on what is going on in my outerworld. There are things that I feel inside that have not yet manifested in the outerworld.
Now that I am more aware, I pay even more attention to the little things. I admit I did not quite understand when I read that I needed to get back to a place of innocence. But you know how when you are a kid, you see things for what they are...you don't judge or put things in boxes. But as you get older and are taught by your parents what you should and should not do, you began to lose your innocence but your EGO gets bigger.
To me the place of innocence is way closer to God than your ego. Because to me God loves all his children, he see things for what they are and do not judge. Children and animals are wonderful creatures...you know why? Because although children are born with EGOs, they are so innocent...You notice how they are oh so brutally honest and inquisitive. Animals imo don't even have egos and if they do, they don't use them. Animals and children are very intuitive, they can sense what alot of adults don't even try to sense.
So my unconscious was trying to get me back to that place of innocence. To awaken and become more intune with my innerself so that I can have a better understanding of the outerworld and the ones around me.
Guess who was with me on that journey in my dreams...Him.
The number 11 has alot of relevance to me this year. In numerology my birthday this year 8/19/2009 breaks down to the number 11. The number 11 is a master number of relevation, ilumination, and awareness. The spiritual messenger. On the search for the truth, the mysteries of life. Idealistic and dreamy.
When you break down 11 you get the number 2 which means harmony, partnerships, and peace.
It all makes sense.
If his Bday is correct, his birthday this year (x/xx/2009) breaks down to 11 also. Which then breaks down to 2. On our first one on one meeting...after the first time we met...was on the 11th of day of the month. Interesting.
Visions
Here is a poem that I wrote from the heart that I wanted to share...
We are not far from eachother
It's because you are close to my heart
As I am close to yours
I feel you
I smell you
I hear you
I see you
But how can that be?
You are not here...
Its because you are in my soul
But I am learning to let go
Why?
Because you will come back
I have to let go so that I can enjoy my life
Through my happiness, you will be happy
Through my joy, there will be no doubt
When there is no doubt, there will be understanding
Through my understanding, I believe
When I believe I will see...
You :)
I love this song because its motivating. Whenever you feeling down, this is a great song to pick you up. We are the authors of our life...
Close your eyes and see what you believe
-Goapele
The scenery in this video is beautiful...I have got to make a trip to Cali oneday.
We are not far from eachother
It's because you are close to my heart
As I am close to yours
I feel you
I smell you
I hear you
I see you
But how can that be?
You are not here...
Its because you are in my soul
But I am learning to let go
Why?
Because you will come back
I have to let go so that I can enjoy my life
Through my happiness, you will be happy
Through my joy, there will be no doubt
When there is no doubt, there will be understanding
Through my understanding, I believe
When I believe I will see...
You :)
I love this song because its motivating. Whenever you feeling down, this is a great song to pick you up. We are the authors of our life...
Close your eyes and see what you believe
-Goapele
The scenery in this video is beautiful...I have got to make a trip to Cali oneday.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Zodiac :)
Anybody that knows me well know that I love love The Dream. He makes great music, especially for the bedroom (lol)...but I never heard of this...I had to listen to it just based on the title bc I love astrology :)...Nivea has a version of this song too, but I like his better.
Me:)
No one should ever change themself so that they can be more appealing to a person. I just wanted to say that because I have in less than a week read where a person is considering to change themself to be more appealing to a person or a person would prefer that a person change themself so that they can be more appealing to that person. Any guy that wants to be with me has to take in all of me or nothing at all. What you see is what you are going to get. I am just me.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Superhuman :)
Beautiful song. Song been out but I Love the video. Would have rather posted the video but they have the embed disabled.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Jupiter and Soulmates....very interesting
There is so much irony in this blog that I am about to discuss…This is a long blog, but quite interesting. I understand if it is too long for you though. If you notice my blog before is Trey Songz track, Jupiter Love from his new album. I think that that was a sign that I would discover what I am about to talk about now.
Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system. It takes 12 years for this planet to orbit around the sun, staying 1 year in each zodiac sign. Each person has their own birth/natal chart that are unique. From your birth chart you can do psychoanalysis of yourself and the lessons and challenges that you will face in your lifetime. Some people are hesitant about believing this, but I think that there is truth to this as I study it more and more.
From your birth chart, the planets and houses represent a certain aspect of your personality, character, lessons in life, etc…
Jupiter is of course included…
Jupiter is the planet of luck, good fortune. It rules higher learning and exploring ideas…which is why it takes 12 years to orbit around the sun. It wants us to grow and flourish. Jupiter in your chart represents where your great opportunities can be found…it shows the areas in your life where you have room to grow and get the best out of life. Jupiter is known to represent expansion and abundance.
Jupiter entered Aquarius on January 5, 2009. Aquarius is a very interesting sign and it has a huge relevance in my chart. Aquarius is the sign of the future. It’s the sign of unorthodox, liberal, progressive thinking. I see a parallel with Obama inauguration…his presidency, regardless of if you voted for him or not, have marked a huge progression on the world. If you have Aquarius in your chart, you might have some of the characteristics I described above along with being a communicator, idea person, you live in your mind. You have an interest in the study of human beings….huge humanitarians.
I admit I really did not pay much attention to the planet of Jupiter when it came to birth charts until yesterday. Lately I have shown a lot of interest in metaphysical topics. One of the topics that came up was Soulmates…plus that topic has been thrown around recently on a forum that I am part of. I felt like that was a sign that I needed to read more into it. Up until recently I never put much thought into soulmates. It’s taking me a lot to write this but I think I ran into one of mine this year…
People have a misconception of soulmates. They think that it is suppose to be that person that just makes you completely happy. You fall in love and live happily ever after. But soul mates do not even have to be someone you are “mating” with...it can be a mother figure, father figure, brother, sister, or even someone you worked with from your past. A Soulmate is just a person who you have known in your past life. Our souls never die. Our souls show up in reincarnated forms for the purpose of soul development, to learn a lesson…We have soul mates to learn something about ourselves that we have forgotten or loss touch of. Your soulmate brings out the part of you that was buried away by acting the opposite of that. That is why you attract who you attract. That is why some people are magnetic to you or vice versa….Take a look at this quick video because this guy explains it better(the first five minutes of the video is the most relevant)…I am a rookie…lol. But I have a story to tell after this.
The reason why I discuss Jupiter in detail is because it is traditionally believed that Jupiter has a lot to do with one meeting their soul mate, Jupiter is the planet of luck...right. You have the best chance of meeting your soulmate when Jupiter is housed in your sun sign, your 5th house (represents romance), and 7th house (represents marriage). Jupiter is currently in Aquarius. My sun sign is Leo but when you look at my chart, when I was born Jupiter was in Aquarius and I think that is just as relevant. On top of that, Aquarius is in my 5th house of romance.
People with Jupiter in Aquarius have a magnetic ability to win friends. They find good fortune through their friends and unexpected opportunities. Tend to be successful in jobs of the modern era, and is bored when the sole purpose is to make money. There is a special love for music and can become well known in that industry. Jupiter Aquarians bring luck to others and have great intuition when it comes to human nature and idealism.
So what am I getting to? Well I think I met one of my soulmates. If I have their birth date correct, then everything makes sense now. Why am I not sure about the birth date? I will try to explain without revealing too much because this blog is still public although not many will read it. When I was communicating through text with this person, I asked their age….they gave their sign birth month and a number….I am going to use my info as the example….The text looked like this (this is my info)….Leo August 19. At the time I was glad that they gave me it in that form because that was really what I wanted. But still I did not confirm it. Remembering that piece of information led me to do this...
The curious person in me created a birth chart based on what I knew about that person. If I ever get a chance to confirm their birth date, everything makes more sense. When I looked at their birth chart guess what their 7th house of marriage was in….Aquarius….
Also like I said before, although Jupiter is not in my sun sign, when I was born, Jupiter was in Aquarius and Aquarius is in my 5th house….Aquarius is in this person’s 7th house. These are situations it is traditionally believed that a person can meet a soulmate. Also the luckiest times of the year for Jupiter Aquarians are when the sun is in the sign of Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius. When I met this person, the sun was in the sign of Gemini and that person is a Gemini. If I have this person’s birth date right, then Jupiter was in Aries when they were born. Guess what my 7th house is in…Aries. So it’s like a flip flop…my Jupiter is in their 7th house and their Jupiter is in my 7th house. Jupiter Arians luckiest times are when the sun sign is in Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. And people with those sun signs bring them luck. That is interesting being that I am a Leo.
Another interesting thing is that you can find out your life path from your birth date…Your life path is what your purpose in life is suppose to be and it must be fulfilled in order for your life to be complete have true happiness. I don’t know if this have any relevance or not, but my life path number is 5 and if I have the correct birth date, their life path number is 7. My life path number means progress. Their life path number means investigator. They symbolize the inner need to find depth, meaning, and spiritual understanding.
Ever since I met this person, I have had unique dreams that I actually discussed in the blog title Intuition. I could not understand why for the life of me this person would show up in these dreams because of what they symbolized. The dreams symbolized new beginnings, tapping into the inner self to understand the ones around me, getting back to the place of innocence. If the birth date of this person is correct, their life path number 7 is all about Spirituality, the speaker of the truth…Since I have met this person I have tapped into the spiritual side of me so much, it’s ridiculous….I am shocked as I type this.
Some may say that the way I met this person was so regular, but to me it was so unique and felt calculating. The circumstances were weird and during our first meeting we barely spoke. But as I was talking to them, I started to see some parallels…We have the same first initial and the cities that we are from also have the same first initial…the states are complete opposite side of the US (wow, just thought about that) …also we were both born on cusps if their birth date is right. I was born towards the end of the Leo month, so I am a Leo with Virgo tendencies….they were born at the beginning of Gemini month so they are Gemini with Taurus tendencies. When you look at the compatibility of these two cusps, one website names it The Hand of Fate. It discuss that this pairing is a very unique in how they meet, the speed at which the relationship develops, and how they explore each other. Fate somehow plays a role in how these two pairings come together, as if they knew each other from another life. They are drawn together like a magnet even if the affair is short and intense. This person told me that they felt like us meeting was suppose to happen, I told them I felt the same way.
During our first conversation, it felt like I knew them…I don’t just get comfortable with anybody. This person told me that they also were opening up more than they normally would. This person can be intense and I was taken aback a little when I met this individual one on one. But it seem like after time progressed, they closed themselves off to me. There was a piece of information that I knew about this person from the jump based on my gut that has a lot of relevance but I will not get into it. But it is a trend that I have seen since I was in high school and there is a reason why I keep attracting it.
As you can see I and this person have a lot of parallels. Not only that but when you look at numerology which includes life path numbers, we have a lot of parallels. Although we have different birth dates, our personal months, days, and years have the same number. Your personal months, days, and years are what your personal focus is for that particular time.
I so want to tell this person what I have expressed here because they should hear it. Despite the things that I was mad about in the past, I have nothing but love for them. We share a lot of the same thoughts but we are oh so different. It’s almost like we complement each other….I remember this person kept saying we would fit like a glove. I remember asking them, why you are so sure? They expressed, “I know what I want and I am a good judge of character”. I was kind of surprised of what he picked on me from first meeting. And now I understand. I can go deeper but this is just too deep. This is not just all in my head because I have not have thoughts like this with my ex of 5.5 years who I was so in love with...but the familiarity I had with my ex, I had with this person. I think that is enough, I will confirm that birth date one day. (sigh)
Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system. It takes 12 years for this planet to orbit around the sun, staying 1 year in each zodiac sign. Each person has their own birth/natal chart that are unique. From your birth chart you can do psychoanalysis of yourself and the lessons and challenges that you will face in your lifetime. Some people are hesitant about believing this, but I think that there is truth to this as I study it more and more.
From your birth chart, the planets and houses represent a certain aspect of your personality, character, lessons in life, etc…
Jupiter is of course included…
Jupiter is the planet of luck, good fortune. It rules higher learning and exploring ideas…which is why it takes 12 years to orbit around the sun. It wants us to grow and flourish. Jupiter in your chart represents where your great opportunities can be found…it shows the areas in your life where you have room to grow and get the best out of life. Jupiter is known to represent expansion and abundance.
Jupiter entered Aquarius on January 5, 2009. Aquarius is a very interesting sign and it has a huge relevance in my chart. Aquarius is the sign of the future. It’s the sign of unorthodox, liberal, progressive thinking. I see a parallel with Obama inauguration…his presidency, regardless of if you voted for him or not, have marked a huge progression on the world. If you have Aquarius in your chart, you might have some of the characteristics I described above along with being a communicator, idea person, you live in your mind. You have an interest in the study of human beings….huge humanitarians.
I admit I really did not pay much attention to the planet of Jupiter when it came to birth charts until yesterday. Lately I have shown a lot of interest in metaphysical topics. One of the topics that came up was Soulmates…plus that topic has been thrown around recently on a forum that I am part of. I felt like that was a sign that I needed to read more into it. Up until recently I never put much thought into soulmates. It’s taking me a lot to write this but I think I ran into one of mine this year…
People have a misconception of soulmates. They think that it is suppose to be that person that just makes you completely happy. You fall in love and live happily ever after. But soul mates do not even have to be someone you are “mating” with...it can be a mother figure, father figure, brother, sister, or even someone you worked with from your past. A Soulmate is just a person who you have known in your past life. Our souls never die. Our souls show up in reincarnated forms for the purpose of soul development, to learn a lesson…We have soul mates to learn something about ourselves that we have forgotten or loss touch of. Your soulmate brings out the part of you that was buried away by acting the opposite of that. That is why you attract who you attract. That is why some people are magnetic to you or vice versa….Take a look at this quick video because this guy explains it better(the first five minutes of the video is the most relevant)…I am a rookie…lol. But I have a story to tell after this.
The reason why I discuss Jupiter in detail is because it is traditionally believed that Jupiter has a lot to do with one meeting their soul mate, Jupiter is the planet of luck...right. You have the best chance of meeting your soulmate when Jupiter is housed in your sun sign, your 5th house (represents romance), and 7th house (represents marriage). Jupiter is currently in Aquarius. My sun sign is Leo but when you look at my chart, when I was born Jupiter was in Aquarius and I think that is just as relevant. On top of that, Aquarius is in my 5th house of romance.
People with Jupiter in Aquarius have a magnetic ability to win friends. They find good fortune through their friends and unexpected opportunities. Tend to be successful in jobs of the modern era, and is bored when the sole purpose is to make money. There is a special love for music and can become well known in that industry. Jupiter Aquarians bring luck to others and have great intuition when it comes to human nature and idealism.
So what am I getting to? Well I think I met one of my soulmates. If I have their birth date correct, then everything makes sense now. Why am I not sure about the birth date? I will try to explain without revealing too much because this blog is still public although not many will read it. When I was communicating through text with this person, I asked their age….they gave their sign birth month and a number….I am going to use my info as the example….The text looked like this (this is my info)….Leo August 19. At the time I was glad that they gave me it in that form because that was really what I wanted. But still I did not confirm it. Remembering that piece of information led me to do this...
The curious person in me created a birth chart based on what I knew about that person. If I ever get a chance to confirm their birth date, everything makes more sense. When I looked at their birth chart guess what their 7th house of marriage was in….Aquarius….
Also like I said before, although Jupiter is not in my sun sign, when I was born, Jupiter was in Aquarius and Aquarius is in my 5th house….Aquarius is in this person’s 7th house. These are situations it is traditionally believed that a person can meet a soulmate. Also the luckiest times of the year for Jupiter Aquarians are when the sun is in the sign of Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius. When I met this person, the sun was in the sign of Gemini and that person is a Gemini. If I have this person’s birth date right, then Jupiter was in Aries when they were born. Guess what my 7th house is in…Aries. So it’s like a flip flop…my Jupiter is in their 7th house and their Jupiter is in my 7th house. Jupiter Arians luckiest times are when the sun sign is in Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. And people with those sun signs bring them luck. That is interesting being that I am a Leo.
Another interesting thing is that you can find out your life path from your birth date…Your life path is what your purpose in life is suppose to be and it must be fulfilled in order for your life to be complete have true happiness. I don’t know if this have any relevance or not, but my life path number is 5 and if I have the correct birth date, their life path number is 7. My life path number means progress. Their life path number means investigator. They symbolize the inner need to find depth, meaning, and spiritual understanding.
Ever since I met this person, I have had unique dreams that I actually discussed in the blog title Intuition. I could not understand why for the life of me this person would show up in these dreams because of what they symbolized. The dreams symbolized new beginnings, tapping into the inner self to understand the ones around me, getting back to the place of innocence. If the birth date of this person is correct, their life path number 7 is all about Spirituality, the speaker of the truth…Since I have met this person I have tapped into the spiritual side of me so much, it’s ridiculous….I am shocked as I type this.
Some may say that the way I met this person was so regular, but to me it was so unique and felt calculating. The circumstances were weird and during our first meeting we barely spoke. But as I was talking to them, I started to see some parallels…We have the same first initial and the cities that we are from also have the same first initial…the states are complete opposite side of the US (wow, just thought about that) …also we were both born on cusps if their birth date is right. I was born towards the end of the Leo month, so I am a Leo with Virgo tendencies….they were born at the beginning of Gemini month so they are Gemini with Taurus tendencies. When you look at the compatibility of these two cusps, one website names it The Hand of Fate. It discuss that this pairing is a very unique in how they meet, the speed at which the relationship develops, and how they explore each other. Fate somehow plays a role in how these two pairings come together, as if they knew each other from another life. They are drawn together like a magnet even if the affair is short and intense. This person told me that they felt like us meeting was suppose to happen, I told them I felt the same way.
During our first conversation, it felt like I knew them…I don’t just get comfortable with anybody. This person told me that they also were opening up more than they normally would. This person can be intense and I was taken aback a little when I met this individual one on one. But it seem like after time progressed, they closed themselves off to me. There was a piece of information that I knew about this person from the jump based on my gut that has a lot of relevance but I will not get into it. But it is a trend that I have seen since I was in high school and there is a reason why I keep attracting it.
As you can see I and this person have a lot of parallels. Not only that but when you look at numerology which includes life path numbers, we have a lot of parallels. Although we have different birth dates, our personal months, days, and years have the same number. Your personal months, days, and years are what your personal focus is for that particular time.
I so want to tell this person what I have expressed here because they should hear it. Despite the things that I was mad about in the past, I have nothing but love for them. We share a lot of the same thoughts but we are oh so different. It’s almost like we complement each other….I remember this person kept saying we would fit like a glove. I remember asking them, why you are so sure? They expressed, “I know what I want and I am a good judge of character”. I was kind of surprised of what he picked on me from first meeting. And now I understand. I can go deeper but this is just too deep. This is not just all in my head because I have not have thoughts like this with my ex of 5.5 years who I was so in love with...but the familiarity I had with my ex, I had with this person. I think that is enough, I will confirm that birth date one day. (sigh)
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