In three days 2009 will be a memory and 2010 is a new beginning. I look at this year and realize that this was a very quiet year but I have become more self aware. This was a year of reflection for me and I will never forget it. I always said that I never had a year like 2003. That was my fun year, I had graduated from High School, began college, fell in love, new friends, new experiences, new surroundings. I have not had a year like that since but 2009 will always be the year where I felt like I transitioned. I am still growing but 2009 is the year where things shifted for me on another level. Its the year where my relationship with myself flourish and is still growing. I have met alot of interesting people along the way. Throughout the year I reconnected with people who I have not talked to in the last few years which includes family members. I am still a work in progress but more wise. I can't deny, I am curious and nervous at what 2010 is gonna bring, especially after a self reflective quiet year like this one. I will take what I learned from 2009 and apply it to 2010 and years to come.
If you read some of my blogs you will notice that I talk alot about an anonymous person who I will just call Gem. I mention how after I met him alot of things changed for me and I feel connected to him on a deep level...like feeling his energy (he has been in many many dreams). Well he replied back to me...I knew it would happen but not this soon. Nothing at this point, but we will be talking one on one very soon. I am kind of uneasy about it though but we will see how he responds to what I have to say. All I know is that after I say what I say and he decides to retreat, Im am going to let it go. But just like I knew he would come around, I know that we will see more of eachother...but if not its was great meeting him.
2010 is going to be a very interesting year and I am excited and scared at the same time!
Happy New Years!
2009 has taught me to look at the big picture and to remain positive, don't dwell on the bad for too long. Just have the greatest momentinlife!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
She lives in my lap
Make me want you...
Make me miss you...
Make me wonder where you are, then forget you...
Girl remind me just who we are...
We're oh so close, but yet so far...
Such a Gemini way of thinking...Andre 3000 is one, so is someone else I use to know...
I felt the person's energy and what came to my head was "She lives in my lap, Im a star"...You know I had to youtube it and listened to it until I had an aha moment...Why do I feel weird writing this on the blog...its so personal!
The power of energy and unspoken communication.
Make me miss you...
Make me wonder where you are, then forget you...
Girl remind me just who we are...
We're oh so close, but yet so far...
Such a Gemini way of thinking...Andre 3000 is one, so is someone else I use to know...
I felt the person's energy and what came to my head was "She lives in my lap, Im a star"...You know I had to youtube it and listened to it until I had an aha moment...Why do I feel weird writing this on the blog...its so personal!
The power of energy and unspoken communication.
Friday, December 18, 2009
End of the week thoughts
My stomach hurts right now.
The week went by so fast. Before you know it, 2010 will be here. New year, new beginnings. In numerology terms, I was in year number 2, which represents partnerships. When in year two, you may meet someone or end a relationship. Also the relationship with yourself is important in year number 2. Partnerships in general are major in year two from personal to business relationships. I will have to say I agree very much that year number 2 represented partneships for me. I ended a major relationship, met new guys, one in particular that shook my world in a way that triggered changes in me forever. I met new people, especially towards the end of this year. I moved to a new territory so I was bound to meet new people. Most important my relationship with myself has changed so much! This has been the most transformative year of my life. Technically my year, when you added my birthday together came to 11, which represents a spiritual, intuitive year (but in numerology the idea is to break down the numbers to a single digit).Year number 2 is like little seeds that have been planted and are germinating. Its a quiet year full of introspection.
In numerology, 2010 for me is year number 3 which represents a more social year. You take all that you learned from year 2 and put it into action. Its a year of optimism and fun. Its very accurate bc I already know that next year is going to be a busy one. As you can see, this last month my blog entries have decreased to half the amount. Part of the reason why is because I have been more occupied, but now I are on break so I have more free time.
I am feeling some kind of way though. I guess time will heal things. I love my alone time (for every hour out with a huge crowd of people, I need 3 hours alone time...yea its that serious), its just those times when you wish you had a companion. Its like Drake said, "So I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone". I am learning that I need to work on that conflict. I love closeness but I want my freedom, my individuality...Its like I have a urge to be out and social but then I don't want to be out, I like my personal time...lol
I was on youtube and ran across these two songs, took me back to my last year of high school....well "Angel" was from high school, "I pray" was college. Did not know that I would oneday be able to relate to these songs. If Amanda Perez wrote these songs, she is a great song writer.
The week went by so fast. Before you know it, 2010 will be here. New year, new beginnings. In numerology terms, I was in year number 2, which represents partnerships. When in year two, you may meet someone or end a relationship. Also the relationship with yourself is important in year number 2. Partnerships in general are major in year two from personal to business relationships. I will have to say I agree very much that year number 2 represented partneships for me. I ended a major relationship, met new guys, one in particular that shook my world in a way that triggered changes in me forever. I met new people, especially towards the end of this year. I moved to a new territory so I was bound to meet new people. Most important my relationship with myself has changed so much! This has been the most transformative year of my life. Technically my year, when you added my birthday together came to 11, which represents a spiritual, intuitive year (but in numerology the idea is to break down the numbers to a single digit).Year number 2 is like little seeds that have been planted and are germinating. Its a quiet year full of introspection.
In numerology, 2010 for me is year number 3 which represents a more social year. You take all that you learned from year 2 and put it into action. Its a year of optimism and fun. Its very accurate bc I already know that next year is going to be a busy one. As you can see, this last month my blog entries have decreased to half the amount. Part of the reason why is because I have been more occupied, but now I are on break so I have more free time.
I am feeling some kind of way though. I guess time will heal things. I love my alone time (for every hour out with a huge crowd of people, I need 3 hours alone time...yea its that serious), its just those times when you wish you had a companion. Its like Drake said, "So I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone". I am learning that I need to work on that conflict. I love closeness but I want my freedom, my individuality...Its like I have a urge to be out and social but then I don't want to be out, I like my personal time...lol
I was on youtube and ran across these two songs, took me back to my last year of high school....well "Angel" was from high school, "I pray" was college. Did not know that I would oneday be able to relate to these songs. If Amanda Perez wrote these songs, she is a great song writer.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Home
So I just got home today. This past week has been so busy. I did go out this weekend though...had good times. Some friends graduated this weekend, so I had to support them. My last post was about a dream I had, it was crazy, but I had to post it for reflection later on. I guess I am going to enjoy this break the best I can because when I get back, I am going to be busy as hell.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Another dream
Yesterday I posted that I had a very intense, kind of scary dream. But there was alot of interesting symbolism. I need to study but I want to express this so that I can focus a little better.
In the dream, me and a person who I mention all the time was in the bed. All of a sudden they said that they knew that I was having their baby. He kept repeating this as if he was angry that I was trying to hide it. But I was confused because I was not pregnant. Then he began to choke me and he said that he was going to kill me. I got out of the grasp somehow and bolted out of the house butt naked! He was chasing after me, like on my tail and I was so frightened for my life. I ended up busting the windows out of someone's house, broke in the house and grabbed a phone to call 911. He was still real close, I was really fearing for my life. I kept calling 911 and was running all throughout the neighborhood hiding from him. Eventually the police came and told me that they found him sleeping and woke him up. He then killed himself and an innocent bystander.
Now that dream had me like huh? I woke up concerned about him. I knew that there was alot of underlying themes in that dream so I analyzed it myself.
One thing that I noticed is that he had alot of agression in this dream. This person is pretty laidback, but underneath that coolness is an agressive dude (He has his moon in Aries).
In the dream, he was so upset that I was hiding that fact that I was having his baby. I was confused in the dream bc I was not pregnant. But when you think about it, when a women is pregnant, a baby is growing and developing inside. Right now I feel like I am growing and developing alot. This year has been very transformative for me, especially after meeting this person.
He was very upset that I was hiding this so called "baby"...it was as if, since you are hiding the fact that "you are having my baby" I am going to kill you by choking you. When you dream about being choked, you feel like you are supressing your feelings or feel restricted about expressing how you truly feel. When you are choking someone, normally they have brought up an issue that is hard for you to face or express...you are frustrated by it.
I was being chased in the dream. That normally means that you are running away from whatever is chasing you. You feel like it is impossible to conquer so you run away from it. When you are chasing something, you are trying to face an difficult obstacle. He was chasing after me.
To dream about murder, suicide, killing means a few things. Him trying to kill me represents trying to cut off emotional tides with something. Suicide means that so many things are overwhelming, maybe the person feels guilty or depressed about something and turns all the blame on themselves. What is interesting is that he was asleep and woke up before the suicide. To me that is like having a personal "awakening" and death in a dream represent the old part of yourself is gone and you are starting new.
This breakdown is very releveant to me. I do feel like my emotions are being supressed bc I feel like I can't express it. I do think that I opened a whole can of worms on this guy and although I don't know his reaction, I know its probably hard for him to discuss it. I do feel vulnerable and that this situation can be hard to conquer but I am trying my best to "deal with it". I felt like I was trying to face it so its interesting how I was running away...I guess maybe I have not really faced anything yet. He was chasing me trying to choke me. I think that represents having a hard time facing fears and he wanted to keep me from revealing it, but at the same time there is a desire to face it. Its a inner power struggle going on with him. He ends up killing himself to me that represents an old part of him dying and a new him is going to reveal itself.
I swear this dude is my shadow and I am his. I just have to accept things for what they are.
In the dream, me and a person who I mention all the time was in the bed. All of a sudden they said that they knew that I was having their baby. He kept repeating this as if he was angry that I was trying to hide it. But I was confused because I was not pregnant. Then he began to choke me and he said that he was going to kill me. I got out of the grasp somehow and bolted out of the house butt naked! He was chasing after me, like on my tail and I was so frightened for my life. I ended up busting the windows out of someone's house, broke in the house and grabbed a phone to call 911. He was still real close, I was really fearing for my life. I kept calling 911 and was running all throughout the neighborhood hiding from him. Eventually the police came and told me that they found him sleeping and woke him up. He then killed himself and an innocent bystander.
Now that dream had me like huh? I woke up concerned about him. I knew that there was alot of underlying themes in that dream so I analyzed it myself.
One thing that I noticed is that he had alot of agression in this dream. This person is pretty laidback, but underneath that coolness is an agressive dude (He has his moon in Aries).
In the dream, he was so upset that I was hiding that fact that I was having his baby. I was confused in the dream bc I was not pregnant. But when you think about it, when a women is pregnant, a baby is growing and developing inside. Right now I feel like I am growing and developing alot. This year has been very transformative for me, especially after meeting this person.
He was very upset that I was hiding this so called "baby"...it was as if, since you are hiding the fact that "you are having my baby" I am going to kill you by choking you. When you dream about being choked, you feel like you are supressing your feelings or feel restricted about expressing how you truly feel. When you are choking someone, normally they have brought up an issue that is hard for you to face or express...you are frustrated by it.
I was being chased in the dream. That normally means that you are running away from whatever is chasing you. You feel like it is impossible to conquer so you run away from it. When you are chasing something, you are trying to face an difficult obstacle. He was chasing after me.
To dream about murder, suicide, killing means a few things. Him trying to kill me represents trying to cut off emotional tides with something. Suicide means that so many things are overwhelming, maybe the person feels guilty or depressed about something and turns all the blame on themselves. What is interesting is that he was asleep and woke up before the suicide. To me that is like having a personal "awakening" and death in a dream represent the old part of yourself is gone and you are starting new.
This breakdown is very releveant to me. I do feel like my emotions are being supressed bc I feel like I can't express it. I do think that I opened a whole can of worms on this guy and although I don't know his reaction, I know its probably hard for him to discuss it. I do feel vulnerable and that this situation can be hard to conquer but I am trying my best to "deal with it". I felt like I was trying to face it so its interesting how I was running away...I guess maybe I have not really faced anything yet. He was chasing me trying to choke me. I think that represents having a hard time facing fears and he wanted to keep me from revealing it, but at the same time there is a desire to face it. Its a inner power struggle going on with him. He ends up killing himself to me that represents an old part of him dying and a new him is going to reveal itself.
I swear this dude is my shadow and I am his. I just have to accept things for what they are.
Sleepy
Its finals week and I have not been getting that much sleep the past couple of days. Months back I did a blog that talked about "soulmates". I don't really like to use that term bc I am trying to get out of putting labels on things. But I talked about a particular person and when you look at our birthdates, there are alot of parallels. I know many people are skeptical about astrology and numerology but there is alot of "coincidences" that I kept discovering when it came to analyzing my birthdate, my name, and my birth chart. I analyzed my sister chart a little bit and brought up an aspect of her birth chart that stood out to me like a sore thumb. I brought it to her attention and she was stunned bc it was true. This aspect that she has this particular person has too, but I did not have a confirmation on their birthdate. Well there is no doubt now, their birthdate is what they told me and what I have analyzed is makes more sense. Does not necessarily make me feel better, but just makes sense now.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Wednesday morning
So I had a very interesting intense dream last night. Alot of things are manifesting in my life right now. Life is ok despite the little things that I am concerned about. The semester is pretty much over, the year is coming to an end. This has been one of the most transformative years of my life!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Superhuman
I think I probably already posted this song in one of my blogs. But I really love this song. I love the music video also. In the video Keri and Chris cross paths like it was fated and time was slowed down. I am not trying to romanticize this in anyway but that how it was with this person. Looking back I remember looking them in their eyes and their eyes were so bright, I almost fell into them. I was caught of guard and quickly looked away but they held their gaze on me.
The reason why I sometimes just post music bc it reflects the mood I am in. Right now things are not the worst, I can handle what is being thrown at me but and I have people I can go to for support...most importantly I look inside for my strength. It just would be nice if I could speak to a particular person. Since I met them so much has changed, and I wanted to tell them that. Its not that oh I met them and I am so in love...Its that I met this person who I will never forget and our meeting triggered a change for the better in me. Our meeting was not about us, it was about me looking inside myself and facing my fears. I just would love to tell them that. But at the end of the day, I understand that I have to accept things for what they are.
The reason why I sometimes just post music bc it reflects the mood I am in. Right now things are not the worst, I can handle what is being thrown at me but and I have people I can go to for support...most importantly I look inside for my strength. It just would be nice if I could speak to a particular person. Since I met them so much has changed, and I wanted to tell them that. Its not that oh I met them and I am so in love...Its that I met this person who I will never forget and our meeting triggered a change for the better in me. Our meeting was not about us, it was about me looking inside myself and facing my fears. I just would love to tell them that. But at the end of the day, I understand that I have to accept things for what they are.
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