Feeling Moved

Man this year has been a great one. I haven't been on here in a minute, I have been busy. But right now I can say I am happy, I learning more about myself and other each and every day. I just finished watching a great youtube video series that brought me back to reality. There is so much I can talk about but I do not know where to begin!

One thing that I can say while listening to this Drake track, is that "You have to own it if you want it." Its so true. I am definitely at a better place right now. I just got a reminder that if you let things go, you allow more things to come in. Money is not important because all that we need is already here on earth. Sometimes life in general or society can make you feel you need money to get by. I said that I would have two jobs by the end of the summer and it happened. But I am understanding that although I have those two jobs, the things that I need are already here and it has not monetary value.

My birthday is next week and I will be turning 25 years old. I have learned so much about myself in the last couple of years. One thing that I have learned is to live in the moment and to not put a timeline on anything because we are constantly changing. Value starts with you and it does not matter what other's think, as long as you are comfortable with yourself. Nothing is more important than you. Letting allows more things to come in :).

July

It has been so long since I made a blog. So much has happened. But I honestly say that although I have run into some roadblocks, I am seeing the light. This year thus far has been a very great year. I have made friends that I know I will have for a lifetime, I have a job now, and I am just seeing great things in the future. I am understanding myself more and more each day. I have no problems making boundaries on relationships in general. I will not compromise myself for anybody or anything. What I am trying to say is that the future is very bright. I have been out of touch lately but I will soon be back.

Young Cutie

So this young guy (Im calling him young like Im so much older) goes to the neighboring school 30 minutes away. Im very impressed by him...very very impressed :). I guess I have a weakness for intelligence. I see a person that would keep me on my toes mentally. A person that would make me keep up on my reading. Someone who I would learn so much from. I see a person that I would love to learn more about.

Age aint nothing but a number....

Hmmm...

Im starting to really think that. Its not really about how old you are, its really about if you are willing to look at yourself and make changes that leads to growth.

I am encountering people who are young and definitely show their age. But I am also noticing young people who are very wise...those are the ones I am drawn to.

Recently I met a guy who is about 7 years older than me...We connect very well mentally. I can talk to him about anything. THat is a big thing for me because my interests I feel are unique and if I can talk to you about that, then you are special in my book. I also ran across a young guy who is about 5 years younger than me...very wise I can defintely tell. I am curious to know more about him despite the age difference (5 years is not that bad but still I am not old myself). I really don't focus on age that much but its interesting how many people do...

I have learned that if you focus too much on things that are so little (like age), you miss out on meeting very interesting people. And it does not have to turn out to be a romantic situation. Right now I just have a desire to meet different people in general...and I won't lie, I like to meet guys too...when you been in a relationship for so long...from the time u began college until the time u hit grad school...of course you want to go out and enjoy your time.

Detachment

I have been MIA for so long. My life has been quite busy. Alot has happened since my last post. I am on Spring break and have been doing some thinking. I am noticing that I am subconsciously keeping a distance from the guys I encounter. I am a very emotional person but I come off pretty aloof, especially when I am getting to know somone. But once I let someone completely in, they are in and they know it. But I am a very open person. Its kind of like a confusing inner struggle that I understand, but can't quite explain. Its like I love closeness...but I keep people at arms length bc I want to keep my individuality. I find that I rather have a relationship with a person who does not live in the city that I am in...I don't know why but I feel like it would be easier. It does not have to be too far away...but far enough to have a sense of "self". I am becoming the person that I did not get a long time ago...But then again...that was me all along, it was just hidden to the point to where I did not understand or like that behavior. Now I understand it,so I accept it for what it is. I swear sometimes relationships cause you to put up defense mechanisms that u never intend to. Good thing I am recognizing them and trying to balance it out.

I actually visited my ex literally a year after we broke up. We did cross the line and he is still in love with me its obvious. I love him, but not to the extent as I did before. He was my first love so the love will always be there. He told me he wanted to be with me but I told him I can not be in a relationship with him. One thing I will say is that our energy is harmonious, always been that way. I turn into a baby around him bc he treats me that way...lol. I told him that, he smiled and said bc u are my baby...its sweet but make me uneasy...bc I know that it can not be the way he wants it to be. Timing is everything. Plus I intend on doing Peace Corps after graduation too...so I am prepping myself for the leaving now mentally.

Plus I would be lying if someone that I met last summer don't cross my mind time to time. I think its best if I just keep it light and have no pressure with the guys i meet. I want to be married but no time soon.

Chillin

Aahhh...I finally get to breathe for a minute.

I had alot of community service, classes, tests, and bonding time with my 25/52 family.

Today will be a day of just being lazy.

It feels so good helping people, I love helping people. I help teach for a GED program, tutor the babies at elementary school, and walked around campus in the cold to help raise money for an organization. Lately I have been very busy which is a good thing because it keeps my mind off a certain things even though I think about it everyday. Its amazing how things that I had on my visionboard are slowly manifesting. In a blog I talked making a vision board of things that I want to manifest. You look at the vision board almost everyday and visualize it. Now I still have it but I don't look at it everyday...I look at it time to time bc I am good at visualizing in my head anyway.

On the romantic front, nothing is really going on, just chillin for the most part. See some potential but nothing for real. I can say that I am happy even if I don't have a valentine, I will have something to do whether it be with my people or by myself...

Have a great weekend!

Being Too honest...

Well yesterday I was put in a situation that I kind of wish I can take back...but it happened for a reason. The situation mirrored exactly a previous situation I was in (its almost creepy). I learned that regardless of what end of the spectrum I am at, the same results can occur so just accept it for what it is. I guess I'll explain it a little bit...I was in a situation where someone just stopped talking to me and I felt like I was open enough to where they should not have felt like they had to avoid me. So now I am in a situation where I was trying to be honest to someone and now they are avoiding me. I am human, I feel a little bad although I was being honest as hell. People are always trying to "save feelings". Although I am very gentle natured, I am also so blunt but I try to say things in a tactful way.

It is what it is...

How important is money to you?

*Sigh*

This is the first time in a while where I am able to have a little me time. I have been occupied with many activities. Before I celebrate one of my soror's birthday, I decided to post a blog about something I was discussing with a bruh on facebook. I was telling him how I went to school for biology but how I wish I would have gotten a double or minor in psychology or sociology. Currently that is way more fitting for me and I think I would be more passionate in that area. He mentioned how the money is of course in Biology but I don't care about that. I am more focused on doing something that my heart is set on. One thing about me (and I am so honest on this) is if I am working somewhere strictly for money purposes I go crazy, I don't care how much money I make. I am an idealist but I have logic in my bones too, of course I know you need money to survive and I know that I will be living very comfortably one day. But one thing I refuse to do is live lavishly and miserable. So many people do not follow their heart and they end up with regrets and bitterness. I refuse to turn into one of those people. I know money is important but for me personally it is not.

It seem like the world is driven by money. Men and women are driven by money...which is why it is a little harder to find someone who is true. The only reason why I am driven by money to an extent is because I have to in order to survive. Money is an illusion just like time.

Sigh of relief

I proud to say that I am part of the best sorority ever. I love my G-S-S.

Anyway school has just started back (well last week) and its going to be a busy semester. I am happy and anxious at the same time. Nothing to talk about at the moment.

Do You love yourself?

That is a good question that many people may hesistate to answer. I personally think people have a hard to answering it because they don't know how to really define it. I use to describe love as an action but now I know what it truly is. I woke up this morning self reflective and I feel a inner peace inside. To me that is love, when you have oneness with yourself, a peace from within. We are all human with insecurities but I accept mine. There may be things going on in my life that I would like to change, but I know that I will be ok. Somehow, some way...things always work out, especially if you have faith. I know that a change has happen when people who I have gotten to know say the same thing. They say that I am wise...I do think I am beyond my years...but I still feel like there is so much more to grow from.

I can say that I am comfortable now as far as putting myself out there to be back in the dating world. I have my standards and can honestly say what I want and need. I have to be with someone who love and trust themself first and foremost. Society put so much emphasis on how value comes from outside of ourselves...that we need to find love from something materialistic or someone else whether it be a baby or a romantic interest. The truth is all that we need comes from ourselves. If someone feel like in order to feel valuable you have to look outside of yourself, then how can you actually trust yourself, let alone others. I know I have no time for games, I am almost 25 which is still young, but grown enough to know better. I don't have time for little "tests" to see where a person mind is truly at. Its time to just be observant and trust your intuition and feelings. The truth always come to the light through time if you let it. I want to share love with someone because I have so much love to give. I should use that love to help those who need a helping hand also. Letting go and opening up, can be a scary thing but what is there to really FEAR? Nothing...The fear is coming from you, nothing else. The PAIN is coming from you. The LOVE is coming from you.

I love this song by omarion, I been playing this song in heavy rotation bc I feel it.