Full Circle

Mood: Pensive
Song: Ye Yo by Erykah Badu

It has been over an year since I wrote a entry on blogger. Although that is the case, I have 3 journals that I have written my thoughts in. I look back on my entries and see how much I have GROWN! I have GROWN and moved on from many things I wrote about last year. I can honestly say that I am in a better place emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I give thanks to the Universe for that.

All of my blog entries beginning in 2011 were made from another blogger account that I created. I decided to merge the two accounts together. I was encouraged by my big sister to start back up my blog. My hope is to encourage anyone out there who are growing through changes to find their purpose in life. When I write down my thoughts, it gives me relief and answers to questions that would normally drive me crazy by thinking to me. Writing is therapeutic to say the least.

So much has happen and through time I will share.

I can say that I am thankful for everything that has happened. I am thankful for the relationship that I wanted but did not happen. I am thankful for the jobs that I did not get. I am thankful for every no that I get. You know why??? Because it brings me CLOSER to what I am destined for.

There is so much that I will share with you all. I am kind of rusty with this so please bare with me as I get this blog back up and running.

Take Care!

Its a great day

I am starting to have a new outlook on life and things are much better than it was a few days ago. I was reading a thread in my favorite forum and someone brought up the scripture Matthew 13:12. I am not a religious person but that verse resonated with me.

It states:

"For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have abundance, but whomever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him."

If you always focus on what you don't have and not appreciate what you already have, you will always attract what you don't want. But if give thanks and focus on what you do have, then you will always attract more great things in life.

I noticed that I have been focused on the negative parts of things and I decided to stop that a few days ago because it was not healthy AT ALL...

I give thanks that I went through a rainy day, because then it made me realize that there are brigher days. I am in control of my life and if I want things to happen it can. I have to believe in myself and I do.

I have to believe in me even when others doubt.

I give thanks for being able to wake up today and to be able to write this blog. I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends who support me and love me regardless of my faults. I am full of love and happiness and I am open to give back in return. My heart and mind is completely open to positive thoughts and I will not let anything tear me down.

I am thankful that I met S because through him I have been able to see things that I once did not see about myself. Love for me starts from within and no one else. I care about S deeply and I know he cares about me. We sat down and expressed ourselves and have come to a peace in a peaceful and perfect way. We will share our love between eachother and be in peaceful harmony. We are in a loving great relationship.

I am thankful for the opportunity to complete my degree this summer. I am excited that I have finally finished this thesis! My mother and I am so overjoyed and accomplished about this acheievement.

I am grateful for my new apartment in Atlanta, Georgia. It is spacious and just for me. It is September and I am enjoying my life in the city with my wonderful career in a laboratory. I love the people I work with and I appreciate everything that has come into my life. I give thanks to everyone. My heart is so full of joy and happiness. Thank you!!!!

You gotta write it down and make it happen.

I am Thankful

I am on my favorite forum and have been reading great threads on LOA. I use to be into it pretty deep but fell off. I have been reaching a point where I want to bring positive energy back in my life and reach a level of becoming content.

One of the main things that keep people from obtaining what they want is doubt. I am grateful for what I have and desire, it is all mine and I give thanks.

Lately I have a desire to be married. I am ready for companionship and longterm commitment for life. I open my heart and mind to love. I feel the happiness that I have from the inner peace and contentment. My inner peace and contentment flows to my husband, my love, my companion.

One of my huge goals is to have a career in a biology laboratory, preferably by September or early fall.

I am grateful for all that I have and my desires. I am happy for my flourished career that has been peacefully obtained with gracious spirits. Im in alignment with my desires and and inner being.

I am thankful for my financial growth and will continue to be grateful for decreasing any financial debt in my life which has been recieved by divine right in a graceful manner.

I am excited about the research that I have cmpleted on my thesis. I am grateful for the experience that it is bringing to me. I will copmleted my thesis and degree this summer 2011.

I am grateful to be at the last semester of graduate school. I will be open and appreciate each moment of the process. My thesis is wonderful and a success.

My Goals That I will achieve

I will finish my graduate studies at THE Alabama State University in August 2011 and walk across the stage December 2011.

I will have a closer relationship with God.

I will Fall in love and have someone who will love me for who I am. The next person I decide to become serious with will be my husband.

I will have a CAREER and live in Atlanta Georgia by September 2011.

I will have a closer relationshp with my family and friends.

I will travel frequently after August for fun.

I will go on a cruise before the year is over with.

I will be at peace and content with life this year.

My finances will be in order. I will pay off all my debt which includes student loans, credit cards, medical bills, car note, and insurance.

I will have over 5,000 in my bank account by in the end of the year. I will have at least 2,000 dollars in savings.

My savings will continue to grow.

I will take care of my body, hair, and soul.

I will have children with my HUSBAND.

I will work with the federal government in Atlanta by September 2011. My CAREER will flourish.

I will obtain another degree in clinical psychology.

I will let go of any toxic relationship.

Habakkuk 2:2-3

2 And the lord answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeath

3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie; though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

There are more goals I will write down, but this is my focus for right now.

Exhausted

Well I have been in the library pretty much all day. I felt the urge to just apply to every job in my field wherever I could. I am 25 with no children and husband so I can just go wherever even though I prefer atlanta. Today I wrote a long list of goals and one of those goals is to have a CAREER in my field by September, preferably in ATL but I will take anywhere when it comes down to it. I am trying to get back into my affirmations. When I get near my journal I will post them.

I am tired, hungry, and sleepy. It feels like I did not eat today but I had lunch. I feel lonely at the moment. I hope the feeling past by soon...

Edited:

I just realized I had it in my bag!!! I guess I just start another entry...

Trying to keep it Together

So I am in the libary doing some work on my Thesis but I still have everything on my mind. I know this is a process and I hope that through time each day will get better. I feel that if I just write down all of my thoughts and frustrations, I can go through the day a little easier. I tend to feel a little bit better as I write. I feel like crying but I will not. I just miss him. Well I am going to finish up what I have written so far and then off the the biology building to see my professor.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, Courage to change what I cannot, and wisdom to know the difference

Up Early

I have been up since 3:00 in the morning. Its hard for me to stay asleep. I hate night time because it causes me to think about things and then I have a urge to want to be near him or to get angry and want to let him know how angry I am. It is now 4:57 am. I have been laying in my bed thinking about everything.

These are the times when I get tempted to call him the most but I don't have the urge this morning (Thankfully).

Today should be his first day at his internship but I haven't been talking to him so I don't know anymore. Its kind of sad because I remember him talking about wanting it and helping him throughout the process (I know I was not the only one, but I was around him alot). I personally would tell the people who was around me as much as I could about my experience (its federal gov so I know you can't tell everything). Its crazy bc a week ago he was telling me that he missed me and that he was going to see me soon. While he was training out west that whole week he kept in contact alot so I knew he missed me as much as I missed him. Stupid things and misunderstandings always cause drama. I hate the fact that he does not ever want to talk about it. I feel as if he does not care about how I feel and I just wanted him to understand. We have become friends this past year and I just want us to be on the same page when it comes to understanding and communication. But I cannot fool myself, I don't want to be just friends with him I would like more, but the bigger picture is that I have to focus on me right now. My heart hurts.

He texted me yesterday asking what I was up to, I just said writing and no reply back.

From now on, when I wake up, I will do something constructive, like do some work.

I now understand why he treated me the way he did, bc I always was there for him, too much.

I read an article someone at the forum I frequent posted and  it was called the Power of NO. That article came at the right time because I need to learn that. That was part of my problem with S. That is my problem with people in general. From this point on, when I make decisions, I will do what is best for me.

Looking back I hate that I did not put my foot down more and just said NO, even if I did not mind. People will treat you the way you allow them to. This is definitely a learning experience for me.
It kind of makes me sad because that is not what I intend to do, but you have to see things for what they are to make a change.

AFFIRMATION: I will make decisons that are based on what is best for me. I will say Yes when I mean it and No when I mean it. I will set boundaries and my life will be full of balance, integrity, and authenticity. My boundaries will be healthy and I honor myself. I have control of myself and have power in my life.